My daughter used to identify as a lesbian. In her late 20s, she proclaimed to me, her mom, that she hated men and hated testosterone after playing on a co-ed soccer game. A year later, she decided to indentify as a man and has been taking large doses of testosterone. She had her breasts removed despite me not supporting these decisions. I was the only one who questioned her, so she cut off conversation with me. I also wanted the root cause of her distress addressed, which also meant I needed to be cut out of any discussion. I was only allowed to have a relationship if I went along with compelled speech and celebrated her surgery. Yes, she was very self-centered all the way along her "transition" pathway to present herself as a man. We had been very close before she declared she was a man, and I had fully accepted her as a lesbian.
Then she changed her name and sex on her birth certificate without my permission or consent. All these decisions have been devastating to me. But the trans narrative demonizes me and celebrates the trans-identifying person. My daughter's decisions once she got into the "trans" movement have had a wide and deep ripple effect in my family in a shattering way. It is hard to see why anyone these days keeps thinking that the "trans" movement and medicalization conveyor belt is a positve direction for individuals or families.
“It will affect every breath you take.” Yes, it affects every single breath I take, as a mother. The ripple effect…it affects everyone in the family, every person we have ever known since her birth. It is on all of us to pretend, to lie, to squirm out of uncomfortable realities and truths. I have come to the realization that, no matter what we choose to do or not do, to say or not, whether we full on affirm or 100% reject or ANYTHING in between, gender identity will never, ever be out of our lives. Our life as we knew it is gone. Everything moving forward will have this hanging over us. I am at a loss.
I know this is the next-to-the-last episode, and I will miss Sasha. I was wondering, why go through the effort to rebrand a new podcast rather than just change the co-host and continue with the Gender: a Wider Lens podcast?
Jessi's story reminded me of another story I read recently in a gender-critical publication about a gay man who who sought refuge from a hostile world as a teen or young adult by identifying as a woman. Think how different their lives would have been if homophobes and a homophobic society hadn't made it impossible for them to be the people they were meant to be.
I don't think homophobia is the real reason. A gay man can avoid homophobia by stopping public displays of sexual affection. It is bothersome, but much much less so than changing sex. Even heterosexuals constrain themselves from publicly expressing sexuality.
Wouldn't it have been more logical for her to take female hormones? Or even better, improve her natural sexual hormones? PCOS causes increased androgen levels and is found in higher rates in FtM transgenders She could have had PCOS. It is common in adolescent girls.
Homosexuality increases the odds for gender confusion because the person often takes a gender role in sex that is of the opposite sex. She was butch, so she probably took the male role in sex and becoming transgender was an extension of that. I am curious if she ever had heterosexual attractions as a young girl.
"Homosexuality increases the odds for gender confusion because the person often takes a gender role in sex that is of the opposite sex."
Does it, though? While sex is complicated and varied, in the 40+ years that I have been out I have not found that to be the case among the gay men I have known. They haven't been confused about their gender role in the bedroom or beyond. That's because they're men first and foremost and they know it. The notion that one member of a gay couple plays the role of the woman is a an antiquated stereotype that demeans gay men generally. In the bad old days it was the sort of slur we would have heard from the kind of insecure straight guys who called gays "swishes."
Around 40% of gay men are bottoms. Bottoming is feminine. They call it lordosis in the laboratory animals and use it to judge feminine sexual behavior in both sexes.
My daughter used to identify as a lesbian. In her late 20s, she proclaimed to me, her mom, that she hated men and hated testosterone after playing on a co-ed soccer game. A year later, she decided to indentify as a man and has been taking large doses of testosterone. She had her breasts removed despite me not supporting these decisions. I was the only one who questioned her, so she cut off conversation with me. I also wanted the root cause of her distress addressed, which also meant I needed to be cut out of any discussion. I was only allowed to have a relationship if I went along with compelled speech and celebrated her surgery. Yes, she was very self-centered all the way along her "transition" pathway to present herself as a man. We had been very close before she declared she was a man, and I had fully accepted her as a lesbian.
Then she changed her name and sex on her birth certificate without my permission or consent. All these decisions have been devastating to me. But the trans narrative demonizes me and celebrates the trans-identifying person. My daughter's decisions once she got into the "trans" movement have had a wide and deep ripple effect in my family in a shattering way. It is hard to see why anyone these days keeps thinking that the "trans" movement and medicalization conveyor belt is a positve direction for individuals or families.
This was moving. Thank you.
“It will affect every breath you take.” Yes, it affects every single breath I take, as a mother. The ripple effect…it affects everyone in the family, every person we have ever known since her birth. It is on all of us to pretend, to lie, to squirm out of uncomfortable realities and truths. I have come to the realization that, no matter what we choose to do or not do, to say or not, whether we full on affirm or 100% reject or ANYTHING in between, gender identity will never, ever be out of our lives. Our life as we knew it is gone. Everything moving forward will have this hanging over us. I am at a loss.
I know this is the next-to-the-last episode, and I will miss Sasha. I was wondering, why go through the effort to rebrand a new podcast rather than just change the co-host and continue with the Gender: a Wider Lens podcast?
Jessi's story reminded me of another story I read recently in a gender-critical publication about a gay man who who sought refuge from a hostile world as a teen or young adult by identifying as a woman. Think how different their lives would have been if homophobes and a homophobic society hadn't made it impossible for them to be the people they were meant to be.
I don't think homophobia is the real reason. A gay man can avoid homophobia by stopping public displays of sexual affection. It is bothersome, but much much less so than changing sex. Even heterosexuals constrain themselves from publicly expressing sexuality.
Wouldn't it have been more logical for her to take female hormones? Or even better, improve her natural sexual hormones? PCOS causes increased androgen levels and is found in higher rates in FtM transgenders She could have had PCOS. It is common in adolescent girls.
Homosexuality increases the odds for gender confusion because the person often takes a gender role in sex that is of the opposite sex. She was butch, so she probably took the male role in sex and becoming transgender was an extension of that. I am curious if she ever had heterosexual attractions as a young girl.
"Homosexuality increases the odds for gender confusion because the person often takes a gender role in sex that is of the opposite sex."
Does it, though? While sex is complicated and varied, in the 40+ years that I have been out I have not found that to be the case among the gay men I have known. They haven't been confused about their gender role in the bedroom or beyond. That's because they're men first and foremost and they know it. The notion that one member of a gay couple plays the role of the woman is a an antiquated stereotype that demeans gay men generally. In the bad old days it was the sort of slur we would have heard from the kind of insecure straight guys who called gays "swishes."
Around 40% of gay men are bottoms. Bottoming is feminine. They call it lordosis in the laboratory animals and use it to judge feminine sexual behavior in both sexes.