Gender: A Wider Lens
Gender: A Wider Lens
103 — Follow the Gender-brick Road: from Bi to Pan to Trans

103 — Follow the Gender-brick Road: from Bi to Pan to Trans

Many young people who first claim to be bisexual will later identify as pansexual and then trans. Sasha and Stella discuss this common but contemporary pathway to trans identification and analyze why this might be happening and what it could mean subconsciously. They offer parents some ideas for how to engage their child during this time of exploration.

Sasha and Stella both have parent coaching membership sites that offer an expansive catalog of resources curated to support and empower parents of gender-questioning teens and young adults. Depending on the membership level, you have access to full-length in-depth topic videos, articles, book recommendations, and live Q&A sessions.


Sasha Ayad’s Parent Coaching Membership Group (SubscribeStar)

Stella O’Malley’s Parent Coaching Membership Group (Substack)

Sasha & Stella’s Conversation with Helena:

Sasha & Stella's Conversation w/ Lisa Duval

Upcoming GETA Webinars

Albert Ellis’s REPT philosophies, and The Three Basic Musts

If you liked this episode, more episodes you might find interesting:

Episode 1 — Trans: Identity vs Dysphoria
Episode 2 — Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria
Episode 32 — Stereotypes
Episode 35 — Communicating About Gender: Translating Between Parent & Child
Episode 39 — Nonbinary Identities
Episode 42 — ROGD & The Struggle to Grow Up

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Extended Notes

  • Stella and Sasha discuss the book and the writing process.

  • The correlation between eating disorders and gender dysphoria.

  • Children test the waters of gender identity as they sexualize.

  • Sasha and Stella attempt to define terms related to sexual and gender identity.

  • Children can feel overwhelmed by the pressure to decide on a sexual identity label.

  • Is the gender identity conversation the latest fad for children to help them individuate and separate?

  • Non-binary and asexual can be identities some children use to protect themselves.

  • Stella and Sasha hit on how parental boundaries have changed with the mass acceptance of multiple gender identities.

  • Boundaries and limits offer stability in life and stability is important.

  • Sasha offers a phrase for parents to use when children voice their gender choices.


“Eating disorders have a lot of similarities to gender dysphoria in that they desexualize the body.” — Sasha [7:11]

“Calling yourself asexual kind of gets you this freedom to opt out of the

entire game.” — Sasha [22:55]

“For some kids, gender dysphoria is a proud label they wear. For other kids it is very painful.” —

Sasha [29:09]

“Kids want to push against something and they have nothing to push against.” — Stella [40:40]

Gender: A Wider Lens
Gender: A Wider Lens
In this podcast, now in its fourth year, therapists Stella O'Malley and Sasha Ayad take a deep dive into the psychological and cultural forces impacting the social changes around "gender." Through interviews with researchers, doctors, therapists, parents, detransitioners, and others, Sasha and Stella's podcast is a "must listen" for anyone trying to navigate the current gender landscape. With their sharp analytical minds and deep compassionate hearts, Stella and Sasha have also become known throughout many parent networks as lighthouses in the midst of some very stormy seas. Previous guests include Helen Joyce, Jesse Singal, Leor Sapir, Kathleen Stock, Jamie Reed, Peter Boghossian and more.