Your podcast is a breath of fresh air. Thank you for your wonderful content. I would love to hear your thoughts on how to deal with the issue of vulnerable younger cousins whose older cousin has transitioned. My children were around the age of 10 when their 18 year old cousin transitioned. I come from a progressive, liberal family and the rest of my siblings and their spouses were immediately affirming of this new identity. I was skeptical and turned to the internet to find out more, which was when I found this podcast. I was under a lot of pressure to explain gender identity to my children and have them participate in affirming their cousin's new identity. I was extremely uncomfortable with being compelled to introduce an idea to my young children, one of whom I think is particularly vulnerable to this ideology. The bonds in my family are strong and we all love each other very much but I fear we won't be able to fully heal from the divide that this has caused.
Your podcasts, Q&As, and topic discussions have been immensely helpful as a parent of a trans-identifying daughter. Areas that I would be grateful for more insights on:
1. Impacts on the family (siblings in particular) through all phases of ‘trans’ (social transition, medical, desistance, detransition)
2. De-identified accounts of desistance, detransition from parents or therapists or individuals.
I’ve listened to many of Benjamin Boyce’s interviews with trans or former trans people and they do not seem to speak about family relationships often through their gender exploration. That concerns me - our family of two parents and 4 kids (all girls - third one declared trans at 14 emerging from the pandemic) has always been tight. I hope we can stay together even if our daughter chooses a path we don’t align with.
I’m interested in the cultural campaign by the TRAs - for example Coronation Street which Press for Change say they got to happen by doorstepping the writing team. I think the use of a female actor to play a trans woman did much to confuse the public on the issue and I am fascinated to know what the producer / writer’s side of the story was, and what their understanding of what trans meant at that time.
I just became a premium subscriber today, so I’m late to this, but for me any content on GNC children is extremely valuable.
I have a daughter who has been gender non-conforming since the age of 3 around when she started daycare. She prefers to dress with stereotypical “boy” clothing and avoids anything stereotypically “girly”. It sort of all started when some boys at daycare told her she wasn’t allowed to pretend play male characters because she was a girl and made fun of her dress. She has refused to wear a dress since in public, though she occasionally wears one playing dress up at home with her sister.
I have always been on the liberal/progressive side and a staunch feminist. I am gender critical and until now have let her wear what she wants and shave her head, but always emphasized that she is a girl even though she happens to like a lot of “boy” things. I explain that boys don’t own the color blue, and that there’s not one way to be a girl (I.e. liking dresses and pink). It comes up because people mistake her for a boy all the time and she has asked me why she’s not like the other girls/said she would rather be a boy.
All this is fine now that she’s 7, but I do worry about what all this will turn into in the future. Constantly afraid a teacher or another student will confuse her.
You talk a lot about the sudden onset dysphoria but not so much about the kids that some people might describe as textbook trans or dysphoric since a very young age, which is our case.
Would love to hear more on how parents like myself can best prepare ourselves for raising GNC kids in todays world. Thank you so much for your work!
Lisa Selin Davis writes (and talks) about this a lot. Be sure to check out her work, if you don’t follow her already. Her substack is called BROADview.
Thank you for the work you do. I would like to hear your thoughts on:
1. mental health programs and the influence on ROGD kids. My daughter struggled with mostly anxiety and during middle school was went through significant bullying and social isolation, then the pandemic hit. After discovering self harm behavior, we sought help. My daughter went through multiple PHP/IOP programs, residential treatment, etc. It really creates its own form of social contagion I believe this is where the indoctrination started after I discovered that in her IOP/group therapy the “nurse” was treating the kids about gender bread person.
2. An update or a resource to follow the detransition law suits. I realize it is a slow process but You hear about when they are filed but not much after that.
3. A follow-up episode on Non-Binary. What does all it all mean? Is it a “gateway” or slow on ramp to Trans? This seems to have been the case for my daughter.
4. Any additional actions or influence parents can have to help lead their child to desistance/detransition? From the detransition stories I have listened to, it is basically keep a connection with your child and wait. At times this just seems impossible.
I have learned so much from this podcast, it has been a refuge for the mental hurricane constantly swirling in my brain throughout this experience I've had with my teen daughter. I know much of these conversations center around the kids who consider themselves "trans" and the comorbidities often associated with such kids. What about the ROGD kids who don't really fit these characterizations? My daughter is 18, is a very girly-girl, has no signs of autism, ADHD, depression, or anxiety. She is functioning, mostly happy, handles life's ups and downs ok and gets along well with family members. About 2 years ago, she changed her name socially and started using they/them pronouns, which my husband and I initially ignored. I only broached the subject with her back in August when she started filling out college applications and selecting all the gender diverse boxes. Our ensuing conversation was very interesting. I'm so grateful to this podcast and Dr. Grossman's book for giving me the language I needed to get the words out. My biggest issue is that I KNOW she knows the biological facts, but she is 100% committed to the gender ideology because of her social groups. While she doesn't consider herself trans and loves being a girl (her words), she wears the non-binary identity like a badge of honor. Because we're not in the extreme, I am afraid that we are in this world for the long haul. Would you ever consider exploring this milder side of gender-identity exploration and the future impact for us all? Thank you.
Could you discuss social anxiety disorder and body dysmorphia disorder and their relationship to trans? I know that my trans-identified son has been diagnosed with the former, but he seems to exhibit traits of the latter as well. I've been at this for nearly two years, and I didn't realized these were actual disorders until last month!
I would love to hear an episode on trauma. I think it has been mentioned but I don't recall a deep discussion about it.
It would also be great to hear from young adults who trans-identified as minors and still do so (f to m), particularly the "influencers". Walking through their process the way you both do so well, with curiousity and compassion.
Another idea, a neurologist - brain science is a hot topic these days and seems like everyone is manipulating the science to their own ends.
I think there is an important opportunity to have a national/international conversation about kids mental health. Just thinking of Abigail Shirer's new book, Greg Lukianoff and Ricki Schott's book and Jon Haidt's new book. I know it might be too much to have them all on but I'd love to organize a live event with them and you two all in the same room.
My wife and I have been loyal listeners for a long time. Your podcast, and the book, are a great source of support for us, so many, many thanks for this and please keep up the great work!
We have a (by now 20-year-old) gender-confused son who is on the autism spectrum. We are located in the Netherlands, where it is proving extremely difficult to find a therapist for him, both to help him through this confusing period in his life and to keep him out of the clutches of the gender clinic.
One specific issue we would like you to address, is Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which you mention in your book. In particular, our son doesn’t seem to have any obvious ‘feminine’ or gay leanings (never has as a child either). But he did develop what seemed like ROGD when he hit puberty. Since then he has been obsessed and disgusted by his body. He puts this down to being ‘actually a woman’, which he admits he can’t really ever be. He spends huge amounts of time locked in the bathroom, shaving his body, and he is intensely averse to mirrors, being photographed, and being seen (or ‘watched’) from neighbours’ houses (so blinds and curtains are always drawn).
Long story short, it is beginning to appear to us (parents) that this has less to do with gender than with his physical appearance in general. Hence our interest in the topic.
Hope you’re able to do an episode about this, or recommend other resources!
Similar situation, but a 22-year old ROGD male suffering from recently diagnosed social anxiety disorder exacerbated by COVID. I think he suffers from body dysmorphia with a bit of misandry, but because he called it gender dysphoria, he was immediately affirmed and given estradiol "for courage".
I would like to add to what Tessa said in the comments. We have an young adult son in this and know many others with young adult children who are either estranged or distant from their kids. We would love to hear from detransitioners or desisters where they felt they were in relationship with their parents when communication was seldom or non-existent.
Your podcast is a breath of fresh air. Thank you for your wonderful content. I would love to hear your thoughts on how to deal with the issue of vulnerable younger cousins whose older cousin has transitioned. My children were around the age of 10 when their 18 year old cousin transitioned. I come from a progressive, liberal family and the rest of my siblings and their spouses were immediately affirming of this new identity. I was skeptical and turned to the internet to find out more, which was when I found this podcast. I was under a lot of pressure to explain gender identity to my children and have them participate in affirming their cousin's new identity. I was extremely uncomfortable with being compelled to introduce an idea to my young children, one of whom I think is particularly vulnerable to this ideology. The bonds in my family are strong and we all love each other very much but I fear we won't be able to fully heal from the divide that this has caused.
This sounds like such a challenging situation. We will for sure try to cover this in a future episode.
I think this is a great question
Your podcasts, Q&As, and topic discussions have been immensely helpful as a parent of a trans-identifying daughter. Areas that I would be grateful for more insights on:
1. Impacts on the family (siblings in particular) through all phases of ‘trans’ (social transition, medical, desistance, detransition)
2. De-identified accounts of desistance, detransition from parents or therapists or individuals.
I’ve listened to many of Benjamin Boyce’s interviews with trans or former trans people and they do not seem to speak about family relationships often through their gender exploration. That concerns me - our family of two parents and 4 kids (all girls - third one declared trans at 14 emerging from the pandemic) has always been tight. I hope we can stay together even if our daughter chooses a path we don’t align with.
Thank you
Be on the lookout for our episode with January Littlejohn in the near future!
I’m interested in the cultural campaign by the TRAs - for example Coronation Street which Press for Change say they got to happen by doorstepping the writing team. I think the use of a female actor to play a trans woman did much to confuse the public on the issue and I am fascinated to know what the producer / writer’s side of the story was, and what their understanding of what trans meant at that time.
Interesting topic idea, for sure! Thank you!
I just became a premium subscriber today, so I’m late to this, but for me any content on GNC children is extremely valuable.
I have a daughter who has been gender non-conforming since the age of 3 around when she started daycare. She prefers to dress with stereotypical “boy” clothing and avoids anything stereotypically “girly”. It sort of all started when some boys at daycare told her she wasn’t allowed to pretend play male characters because she was a girl and made fun of her dress. She has refused to wear a dress since in public, though she occasionally wears one playing dress up at home with her sister.
I have always been on the liberal/progressive side and a staunch feminist. I am gender critical and until now have let her wear what she wants and shave her head, but always emphasized that she is a girl even though she happens to like a lot of “boy” things. I explain that boys don’t own the color blue, and that there’s not one way to be a girl (I.e. liking dresses and pink). It comes up because people mistake her for a boy all the time and she has asked me why she’s not like the other girls/said she would rather be a boy.
All this is fine now that she’s 7, but I do worry about what all this will turn into in the future. Constantly afraid a teacher or another student will confuse her.
You talk a lot about the sudden onset dysphoria but not so much about the kids that some people might describe as textbook trans or dysphoric since a very young age, which is our case.
Would love to hear more on how parents like myself can best prepare ourselves for raising GNC kids in todays world. Thank you so much for your work!
Lisa Selin Davis writes (and talks) about this a lot. Be sure to check out her work, if you don’t follow her already. Her substack is called BROADview.
I do! That’s how I found this Substack. She’s also how I fell down the rabbit hole after reading Tomboy when trying to understand my daughter more.
How to handle it when you know your child is dabbling in gender - but they haven't told you.
Thank you for the work you do. I would like to hear your thoughts on:
1. mental health programs and the influence on ROGD kids. My daughter struggled with mostly anxiety and during middle school was went through significant bullying and social isolation, then the pandemic hit. After discovering self harm behavior, we sought help. My daughter went through multiple PHP/IOP programs, residential treatment, etc. It really creates its own form of social contagion I believe this is where the indoctrination started after I discovered that in her IOP/group therapy the “nurse” was treating the kids about gender bread person.
2. An update or a resource to follow the detransition law suits. I realize it is a slow process but You hear about when they are filed but not much after that.
3. A follow-up episode on Non-Binary. What does all it all mean? Is it a “gateway” or slow on ramp to Trans? This seems to have been the case for my daughter.
4. Any additional actions or influence parents can have to help lead their child to desistance/detransition? From the detransition stories I have listened to, it is basically keep a connection with your child and wait. At times this just seems impossible.
Thank you.
I have learned so much from this podcast, it has been a refuge for the mental hurricane constantly swirling in my brain throughout this experience I've had with my teen daughter. I know much of these conversations center around the kids who consider themselves "trans" and the comorbidities often associated with such kids. What about the ROGD kids who don't really fit these characterizations? My daughter is 18, is a very girly-girl, has no signs of autism, ADHD, depression, or anxiety. She is functioning, mostly happy, handles life's ups and downs ok and gets along well with family members. About 2 years ago, she changed her name socially and started using they/them pronouns, which my husband and I initially ignored. I only broached the subject with her back in August when she started filling out college applications and selecting all the gender diverse boxes. Our ensuing conversation was very interesting. I'm so grateful to this podcast and Dr. Grossman's book for giving me the language I needed to get the words out. My biggest issue is that I KNOW she knows the biological facts, but she is 100% committed to the gender ideology because of her social groups. While she doesn't consider herself trans and loves being a girl (her words), she wears the non-binary identity like a badge of honor. Because we're not in the extreme, I am afraid that we are in this world for the long haul. Would you ever consider exploring this milder side of gender-identity exploration and the future impact for us all? Thank you.
Could you discuss social anxiety disorder and body dysmorphia disorder and their relationship to trans? I know that my trans-identified son has been diagnosed with the former, but he seems to exhibit traits of the latter as well. I've been at this for nearly two years, and I didn't realized these were actual disorders until last month!
I would love to hear an episode on trauma. I think it has been mentioned but I don't recall a deep discussion about it.
It would also be great to hear from young adults who trans-identified as minors and still do so (f to m), particularly the "influencers". Walking through their process the way you both do so well, with curiousity and compassion.
Another idea, a neurologist - brain science is a hot topic these days and seems like everyone is manipulating the science to their own ends.
I think there is an important opportunity to have a national/international conversation about kids mental health. Just thinking of Abigail Shirer's new book, Greg Lukianoff and Ricki Schott's book and Jon Haidt's new book. I know it might be too much to have them all on but I'd love to organize a live event with them and you two all in the same room.
Hi Sasha and Stella,
My wife and I have been loyal listeners for a long time. Your podcast, and the book, are a great source of support for us, so many, many thanks for this and please keep up the great work!
We have a (by now 20-year-old) gender-confused son who is on the autism spectrum. We are located in the Netherlands, where it is proving extremely difficult to find a therapist for him, both to help him through this confusing period in his life and to keep him out of the clutches of the gender clinic.
One specific issue we would like you to address, is Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which you mention in your book. In particular, our son doesn’t seem to have any obvious ‘feminine’ or gay leanings (never has as a child either). But he did develop what seemed like ROGD when he hit puberty. Since then he has been obsessed and disgusted by his body. He puts this down to being ‘actually a woman’, which he admits he can’t really ever be. He spends huge amounts of time locked in the bathroom, shaving his body, and he is intensely averse to mirrors, being photographed, and being seen (or ‘watched’) from neighbours’ houses (so blinds and curtains are always drawn).
Long story short, it is beginning to appear to us (parents) that this has less to do with gender than with his physical appearance in general. Hence our interest in the topic.
Hope you’re able to do an episode about this, or recommend other resources!
Warm regards!
Dave and Anne Herman
Similar situation, but a 22-year old ROGD male suffering from recently diagnosed social anxiety disorder exacerbated by COVID. I think he suffers from body dysmorphia with a bit of misandry, but because he called it gender dysphoria, he was immediately affirmed and given estradiol "for courage".
I would like to add to what Tessa said in the comments. We have an young adult son in this and know many others with young adult children who are either estranged or distant from their kids. We would love to hear from detransitioners or desisters where they felt they were in relationship with their parents when communication was seldom or non-existent.
A very interesting guest suggestion! Thank you!