Reading this piece, I was struck by how often the “nonbinary” label seems to emerge from confusion, distress, or a desire to escape judgment—not a stable or coherent sense of self. That resonates with my own experience of trying to make a modest, deeply personal change—reverting to the childhood name I was once known by. It was my given middle name, after all. I assumed it would be simple. It wasn’t. A close friend refused outright, and my husband could not unlearn the old one. That taught me a lasting lesson: identity isn’t something we assert in isolation—it’s something that’s negotiated, remembered, and affirmed (or not) by others.
That’s why the current orthodoxy around pronouns and nonbinary identity rings false to me. We're told that "respect" means instant and unquestioning acceptance—but often, that demand feels less like a plea for dignity and more like a demand for compliance. When “respect” becomes a cudgel, something has gone wrong.
The podcast rightly notes that many of these identities function symbolically—as face-saving devices, performative acts, or political signals—not as reflections of inner truth. And if identity is no longer grounded in reality or relationship, but instead in unilateral assertion backed by social pressure, then perhaps we’re not watching the evolution of gender—but its unraveling.
It's not just the nonbinary search term that peaked in 2022. The terms "am i trans", "am i trans quiz", "transgender quiz" and "trans quiz" also peaked around the same time and has seen steady declines since then. This is the biggest indicator to me thus far that the contagion has started to subside.
It would be great to do a search of transcripts of podcasts, cable shows and TV broadcasts by the nation's outspoken public trans allies such as Tim Miller, Rick Wilson, Rachel Maddow and Nicolle Wallace to see whether or not they're backing away too.
I appreciate you connecting nonbinary and queer in your post. I’d always understood the former as basically intersex and the latter as a derogatory term for gay. I confess to still being confused by what the terms mean for gender identity.
I am so sorry I missed this. I am subscribed to Gender: A Wider Lens but not sure how to sign on. There was a notice about this Live & unfiltered but nothing beyond. Can anyone tell me how to access these sessions?
Hi Susan. Sasha here. Sorry we are just seeing this comment. Whenever we announce the Live + Unfiltered, we follow it up with the direct link and time/date. The link post goes out to all paid tiers here in Substack.
Stella and Sasha... I thought you'd stopped doing G, aWL, so I ceased my subscription. But if you are still doing it, I'd like to continue to support. My child appears to have desisted, so I'm not on top of all the info like I used to be. But I've accessed and watched a few of Sasha's videos which are terrific Although my gifted, A+ ASD teen has difficulty processing audible content that is full, fast and wordy, I know she would engage with the episodes I saw.
So 1- you haven't ceased G, aWL- what has changed?
And 2- I'd like advice on how to manage discussions with extended but close family members whose child is transitioning with their full support.
And with colleagues and friends who ignorantly but militantly support GAC and ostracise others who offer alternative viewpoints.
Thank you for all you do, and have done for me in my journey to support my child towards championing being herself.
1. We have moved GWL to our Live+Unfiltered monthly events which take place here in Substack for all paying tiers. Everyone who joins is also able to interact with us through the live chat, so it's really wonderful to engage with all of you, chat, discuss, answer questions, etc. You can read recaps of our previous monthly events here for free (like the one above).
2. That's so tricky! What I usually recommend is starting out very neutral and curious. Usually, even when parents are supporting a transition, they feel conflicted, have worries, and ambivalence about this decision. If you can offer a listening ear, ask how things are going and check in to see if they're feeling comfortable with all the unknowns, you may crack the door open for deeper discussion.
3. With truly militant people, I think the situation gets much more complicated. Start by trying to identify ANY areas of agreement, even if they're minor: a person's bio sex shouldn't determine what kinds of clothes, preferences or hobbies they can do.... and go from there?
We'd love to see you around in the Live + Unfiltered. I'll post details about the next one soon :)
Thank you for the recap. I was so interested in this topic, but couldn’t make the meeting. I am watching Netflix’s “Stick” and there is an NB teen, named Zero (cue eye roll). She is politically motivated on every cause and it’s treated with humor throughout. Even still, her character behaves morally superior to the others. It definitely points to this being embedded in culture as a virtue signal. Too bad it can lead so many kids toward self-harm.
It changes each episode- long hair, but dresses in vest, baggy pants, sweatpants, then in the last episode I watched her hair was flat ironed, makeup on and a skirt. Totally normal for most women and no need for a label.
Reading this piece, I was struck by how often the “nonbinary” label seems to emerge from confusion, distress, or a desire to escape judgment—not a stable or coherent sense of self. That resonates with my own experience of trying to make a modest, deeply personal change—reverting to the childhood name I was once known by. It was my given middle name, after all. I assumed it would be simple. It wasn’t. A close friend refused outright, and my husband could not unlearn the old one. That taught me a lasting lesson: identity isn’t something we assert in isolation—it’s something that’s negotiated, remembered, and affirmed (or not) by others.
That’s why the current orthodoxy around pronouns and nonbinary identity rings false to me. We're told that "respect" means instant and unquestioning acceptance—but often, that demand feels less like a plea for dignity and more like a demand for compliance. When “respect” becomes a cudgel, something has gone wrong.
The podcast rightly notes that many of these identities function symbolically—as face-saving devices, performative acts, or political signals—not as reflections of inner truth. And if identity is no longer grounded in reality or relationship, but instead in unilateral assertion backed by social pressure, then perhaps we’re not watching the evolution of gender—but its unraveling.
It's not just the nonbinary search term that peaked in 2022. The terms "am i trans", "am i trans quiz", "transgender quiz" and "trans quiz" also peaked around the same time and has seen steady declines since then. This is the biggest indicator to me thus far that the contagion has started to subside.
It would be great to do a search of transcripts of podcasts, cable shows and TV broadcasts by the nation's outspoken public trans allies such as Tim Miller, Rick Wilson, Rachel Maddow and Nicolle Wallace to see whether or not they're backing away too.
that's interesting!
This is very optimistic. I feel like it has not fully declined yet Hopefully this trans contagion it’s on its way to have a full collapse.
I appreciate you connecting nonbinary and queer in your post. I’d always understood the former as basically intersex and the latter as a derogatory term for gay. I confess to still being confused by what the terms mean for gender identity.
Parental authority —when you’re the final hold out.
I am so sorry I missed this. I am subscribed to Gender: A Wider Lens but not sure how to sign on. There was a notice about this Live & unfiltered but nothing beyond. Can anyone tell me how to access these sessions?
Hi Susan. Sasha here. Sorry we are just seeing this comment. Whenever we announce the Live + Unfiltered, we follow it up with the direct link and time/date. The link post goes out to all paid tiers here in Substack.
Stella and Sasha... I thought you'd stopped doing G, aWL, so I ceased my subscription. But if you are still doing it, I'd like to continue to support. My child appears to have desisted, so I'm not on top of all the info like I used to be. But I've accessed and watched a few of Sasha's videos which are terrific Although my gifted, A+ ASD teen has difficulty processing audible content that is full, fast and wordy, I know she would engage with the episodes I saw.
So 1- you haven't ceased G, aWL- what has changed?
And 2- I'd like advice on how to manage discussions with extended but close family members whose child is transitioning with their full support.
And with colleagues and friends who ignorantly but militantly support GAC and ostracise others who offer alternative viewpoints.
Thank you for all you do, and have done for me in my journey to support my child towards championing being herself.
Hi there! Sasha here.
1. We have moved GWL to our Live+Unfiltered monthly events which take place here in Substack for all paying tiers. Everyone who joins is also able to interact with us through the live chat, so it's really wonderful to engage with all of you, chat, discuss, answer questions, etc. You can read recaps of our previous monthly events here for free (like the one above).
2. That's so tricky! What I usually recommend is starting out very neutral and curious. Usually, even when parents are supporting a transition, they feel conflicted, have worries, and ambivalence about this decision. If you can offer a listening ear, ask how things are going and check in to see if they're feeling comfortable with all the unknowns, you may crack the door open for deeper discussion.
3. With truly militant people, I think the situation gets much more complicated. Start by trying to identify ANY areas of agreement, even if they're minor: a person's bio sex shouldn't determine what kinds of clothes, preferences or hobbies they can do.... and go from there?
We'd love to see you around in the Live + Unfiltered. I'll post details about the next one soon :)
Thank you for the recap. I was so interested in this topic, but couldn’t make the meeting. I am watching Netflix’s “Stick” and there is an NB teen, named Zero (cue eye roll). She is politically motivated on every cause and it’s treated with humor throughout. Even still, her character behaves morally superior to the others. It definitely points to this being embedded in culture as a virtue signal. Too bad it can lead so many kids toward self-harm.
yes! it's interesting that they didn't take her too seriously in the show. clever, I think?
How does she dress and do her hair/makeup?
It changes each episode- long hair, but dresses in vest, baggy pants, sweatpants, then in the last episode I watched her hair was flat ironed, makeup on and a skirt. Totally normal for most women and no need for a label.