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Feb 9Liked by Gender: A Wider Lens

What a powerful story and such a powerful mom. The detail of her child thinking she could grow wings just years before she believed she could become a boy was especially poignant. This is what those who have drunk the gender ideology Kool-Aid do not see. They believe that affirming these kids in their “true essences” is beautiful and will help them fly when really it is metaphorically and literally clipping their wings/body parts and grounding them. The pain of adolescence, no matter how privileged a child’s life has been, is real, so I understand the instinct to find a quick and easy explanation to offer children a path out. Just two years before my daughter’s descent into the darkness of puberty and the false light offered by a trans identity, she was described by an evaluator for the all girls middle school she asked to attend (painfully ironic, I know), as emanating “effervescence and sunshine.” I have kept my eye on that actual inner self for her through these years.

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Feb 10Liked by Gender: A Wider Lens

Although I wouldn't want to ask January to reveal private family matters, I found myself wondering what tensions she thought were in her family that helped make her daughter vulnerable, and whether it's really true that "every" trans-identifying child's family has something unhealthy going in in the family that needs addressing. (She subsequently mentioned one thing about her relationship with her daughter, that they were too "enmeshed." Is that a psychological term for being too close as a family? That her child didn't have enough independence to be resilient?) This idea is something that I've heard and read before, for example in Stella, Sasha, and Lisa's book, When Kids Say They're Trans: families often discover that something needed work in the parents marriage, or the family dynamics, etc. after their kids announce they're trans. I can't point to anything in my family like that, and no traumatic family events (other than the death of a dear grandmother, but grandmothers have been dying for hundreds of thousands of years) and yet two of our grown children are trans. So I do find myself questioning that assertion, and I worry that perpetuating it will make parents feel they are responsible, somehow. We have a close family, and I don't want to think that our closeness was unhealthy "enmeshment!" Similarly, we weren't authoritarian or even terribly firm with our kids; we talked through everything when issues arose that needed parental guidance or advice or intervention, and they were intellectual enough that it seemed to work--does that make me a dreaded "friend mom?"

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Feb 11·edited Feb 11Liked by Gender: A Wider Lens

I’ve been thinking a lot about what she said. I think January, Stella, and Sasha say this because it can feel like this came from nowhere and it ambushed our families, so we forget to look inward at the family for contributing factors. But we also have to remember that no family is perfectly functional and has no vulnerabilities. For every one ROGD family where there’s enmeshment, a need for improved communication skills, parents divorce, etc, there are at least 10 families with those exact same issues - at least as bad, if not worse - where gender never becomes an issue. Why? Maybe those teens turns to drugs and alcohol, start failing at school, or get into toxic relationships. Maybe they become self-hating perfectionists and over-achievers. Or maybe the stress rolls off them more easily than their more sensitive peers. It’s a combination of the child’s innate temperament, family vulnerabilities and weaknesses (and all families have them), plus a mix of external factors completely independent of the family (school, internet, peer influence, etc) and how they all interact. It’s so easy to feel guilty and like we’re being blamed (and it doesn’t help that some people on both sides of this blame parents for everything!) but I think we can be most effective for our children if we can find the family weaknesses, remember all families have them, and work on them as part of supporting our children caught up in this (i’m writing this knowing it’s easier said than done!)

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Feb 10Liked by Gender: A Wider Lens

This was another episode that I can't imagine living my life without. Thank you again sis again.

I am a subscribed premium member (and have been for a while), but I still can't figure out how to hear the additional content for subscribers. I really am going to hear it! Could you please help this tech fumbler?

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The additional content comes out on Saturday's (the day following the main episode release). You can find the bonus episode for January here: https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/premium-letting-go-of-the-false-promise

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Feb 10Liked by Gender: A Wider Lens

It is a very inspiring story. I would love to listen the bonus episode. I am very intersted in what the daugher is thinking about the whole time she was trans identifying. Is the bonus episode going to appear later today?

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The bonus episode is live now. Thanks!

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It is terrifying what is happening in schools and I think every parent in the nation needs to hear this podcast with January. What a harrowing story but also a story of taking charge and responsibility and standing up for your family. Thanks for sharing your story and knowledge!

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I couldn’t believe it when I heard this episode, this was my middle school! So hard to believe this would go on there, but I’m sure times have changed in the 20 years since I was a student there.

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Great interview! I wish I had been able to have been as successful in pulling my son out of this ideology. He turns 18 today. He has adhd and Asperger’s and refuses to entertain that his feelings of being different could possibly be from something other than being “trans”. I haven’t affirmed and have done all I could - sailing camp, hikes, board games, family time (it’s just me, him, and his grandma - dad has never been there), tried heart to heart gentle conversations, reality checks, every thing under the sun. It’s like he’s stuck. And there is nothing I can do. I’ve reached out to all kinds of people tried all the methods suggested but nothing works to even get him to talk or open up. While I will never give up on my son I have begin to accept that he will just have to walk through the fire and be burned. I will be there of course if he wants me.

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