Gender: A Wider Lens
Gender: A Wider Lens
43 - Sasha & Stella Answer Your Questions: Part 3

43 - Sasha & Stella Answer Your Questions: Part 3


No transcript...

The listeners’ questions continue to absorb our interest and influence our discussion. The issue of power struggles between parents and children has been raised along with a special focus on knowing when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em. The script that trans-identified teenagers often use to declare their trans identification is outlined and Sasha & Stella discuss a kind of counter script for parents. Finally, we suggest a liberal parents’ guide to explaining your child’s gender-related distress with friends, neighbors, and the wider community.


Sasha’s Video: Effects of Affirmation: Gender Identity vs Sexual Orientation:

Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself, by Lisa Marchiano:

Extended Notes:

  • Thank you so much for submitting your questions and providing Stella and Sasha with excellent feedback! We appreciate you!

  • Q: What can I say to my daughter? Is there a counter script?

  • Stella loves the idea of having a script for parents to help their teen think deeper on some of the implications of a transition.

  • Sasha has noticed parents falling into certain categories, like having a difficult time with their authority towards their child vs. some parents going in with a lot of fear and force on what their child “should” be.

  • Don’t expect lightbulb moments from your child when you share a piece of wisdom with them. Sometimes it takes some time to sink in.

  • Should you use a script? Sasha believes that everyone’s situation is different. She believes it’s best to share wisdom and advice that is specifically applicable to your child.

  • Remember, you don’t need to turn this conversation into a political debate with your child.

  • As parents, we tend to put on a cheerful “life is great” smile in front of our kids, even when you might be mad at your partner, or deeply dislike your mother-in-law. There’s something very unauthentic about this. Children pick up on it and they’ll call you out on it around the ages of 12 to 14.

  • The best friend’s parents. Let’s talk about them. They’ve very liberal with your child’s pronouns because it’s not happening to their family.

  • People who are giving your child the okay to transition, it’s another form of you having to stand up for your child to people who think they know better than you as a parent.

  • Q: I can’t deny her feelings, but I think we should stay open-minded for future options, but that’s not enough for her. It feels like a power struggle. What should I do?

  • Some parents want to avoid the power struggle, so they end up saying yes to everything. That’s not the best way forward, either.

  • When you have a kid who has been historically compliant under their parents’ wishes, the power struggle is even stronger as they grow up.

  • What are some of the best ways to approach this subject? Stella offers some advice on how to soften the elephant in the room.

  • The power struggles are exhausting. It’s very difficult to manage these temperaments and all the fun gets zapped out of the household.

  • Q: Gender dysphoria vs. social dysphoria. Are there tips on ways to help a child with social dysphoria? Can you talk more about this?

  • What is social dysphoria? There is general anxiety around people who are prejudging you before knowing you.

  • You cannot change somebody’s perception of you. You are setting yourself up for failure and misery if you think you can.

  • It takes time to understand this, but as a child or young teen, it’s devastating knowing that people see you a certain way and there’s nothing you can do to change it.

  • Have more questions? Keep sending it our way! Stella and Sasha love answering them.

This podcast is partially sponsored by ReIME, Rethink Identity Medicine Ethics:

Learn more about our show:

Gender: A Wider Lens
Gender: A Wider Lens
Therapists Stella O’Malley and Sasha Ayad explore diverse perspectives through a psychological lens, fostering open dialogue on gender identity, transition, and the transgender umbrella. Their work with gender dysphoric clients and unique experiences yield an informed outlook delving into gender's psychological nuances. Interviews with clinicians, academics, transgender individuals, parents, detransitioners, and others touched by gender provide varied insights and intimate inquiry into the taboo yet relevant topic.