Gender: A Wider Lens
Gender: A Wider Lens
22 — An Unexpected Gender Evolution: A Conversation with Lauren

22 — An Unexpected Gender Evolution: A Conversation with Lauren

“Lauren” is a 32-year-old lesbian who has moved with ease across the gender spectrum over the course of her lifetime. Lauren offers a positive story about how being gender non-normative and having a complicated gender experience can be a pleasant and interesting experience. Cautioning against the heavy and urgent discussions about medicalizing gender expression, Lauren wonders if we can become more playful and even joyful about gender?


Lauren’s Blog:

Extended Notes

  • A little bit about Lauren and her experience with gender.

  • The way our society is handling trans children is completely different from when Lauren grew up.

  • Lauren feels a bit betrayed by the LGBTQ community.

  • What was Lauren’s childhood like?

  • How did Lauren’s family deal with her and her older sister’s masculine gender?

  • Can you be gay and Mormon?

  • Lauren was always the good child and her older sister was the problem masculine child. So it threw everyone for a loop when they found out Lauren was a lesbian, and not her sister.

  • When Lauren dressed in drag, she felt much more comfortable in her own body.

  • Men’s clothing was just easier to understand and when Lauren took on a more butch persona, it was a lot easier for her to date.

  • Lauren was a butch lesbian for about 10 years before switching back to a more “feminine” look.

  • In Lauren’s mind, being butch is almost like a third gender.

  • At one point, Lauren identified as trans.

  • The trans community has really affected the way lesbians see themselves. Lauren knows several people in same-sex relationships who have identified as trans at one point in time in her friend group.

  • When it came to having children, how did Lauren and her wife decide who should have a child?

  • A lot of Lauren’s friends who were butch were transitioning, either to a more feminine persona or trans. And she felt like she could not grieve this sense of loss. She just had to be happy for her friends.

  • When random people were shouting slurs at Lauren and her wife, it only really started to bother her as she got older and was going to become a parent.

  • What’s it like being a mother?

  • Eleven-year-olds are being asked if they want to preserve their fertility. It’s crazy.

  • Lauren has gone through many different gender identities and went on to have children. She gets fired up and passionate when young children are forced to “choose.”

  • We have to think about the long-term well-being of children and teenagers first. Not our politics.

  • Can we be more playful with our gender? Why do we have to always pick a side?

This podcast is partially sponsored by ReIME, Rethink Identity Medicine Ethics:

Learn more about our show:

Gender: A Wider Lens
Gender: A Wider Lens
In this podcast, now in its fourth year, therapists Stella O'Malley and Sasha Ayad take a deep dive into the psychological and cultural forces impacting the social changes around "gender." Through interviews with researchers, doctors, therapists, parents, detransitioners, and others, Sasha and Stella's podcast is a "must listen" for anyone trying to navigate the current gender landscape. With their sharp analytical minds and deep compassionate hearts, Stella and Sasha have also become known throughout many parent networks as lighthouses in the midst of some very stormy seas. Previous guests include Helen Joyce, Jesse Singal, Leor Sapir, Kathleen Stock, Jamie Reed, Peter Boghossian and more.