When we first aired this episode exploring the links between ADHD and Gender Dysphoria, Sasha and I turned our attention to a question that remains intriguing: why is gender-related distress so much more common among young people with ADHD? Research suggests that individuals with ADHD are 6.64 times more likely to present with gender dysphoria, yet at first glance the connection between hyperactivity, inattention, impulsivity – and gender – doesn’t seem obvious.
In the episode, we tried to tease apart these threads. ADHD is often reduced to a list of deficits – inattentive, immature, impulsive – but as Gabor Maté argues in Scattered Minds, it’s more complicated than that. ADHD traits may once have served us well in survival contexts: quick responses, novelty-seeking, and bursts of hyper-focus can be assets. In today’s classroom or office, however, these same traits are pathologised. Children with ADHD are told they’re lazy or slow, when in fact they think differently.
That negative feedback takes a toll. Many of the young people I’ve worked with carry low self-esteem from years of being told to “sit still” or “pay attention.” It’s not hard to see how this kind of repeated invalidation could make a child more susceptible to questioning who they are at the most fundamental level. If you’re constantly told you’re not measuring up, why wouldn’t you start searching for a different identity altogether?
We also discussed how ADHD manifests differently in boys and girls. Girls are more likely to be overlooked, especially if their symptoms lean toward inattentiveness rather than hyperactivity. Boys, meanwhile, often get labelled as disruptive. Either way, ADHD kids quickly internalise the sense that they don’t quite fit. Some become shy from years of being told to stop doing what comes naturally. Others push themselves into rigid goal-setting, obsessively working toward something – sometimes even when it doesn’t truly fulfil them.
It’s worth remembering that ADHD isn’t always a liability. Many highly successful people, from Richard Branson to Michael Phelps, credit their ADHD with giving them drive and resilience. Social media, too, seems designed with ADHD minds in mind – offering novelty, distraction, and stimulation at every turn. But that very design may also be fuelling the rise in gender exploration among ADHD youth, who can quickly become absorbed in online identity communities.
What struck me in this episode was the richness of stories: Elle Palmer writing about how personality influenced her identity, or Maté’s reflections on the deeper roots of attention struggles. ADHD people often thrive in environments that embrace variety, movement, and risk-taking. What they don’t thrive on is a slow, overly structured life.
Looking back now, I see this conversation as an invitation to broaden our perspective. Instead of asking “what’s wrong” with ADHD kids, we might ask “what’s right” – and how those same traits intersect with today’s identity culture. If gender dysphoria is appearing so often alongside ADHD, perhaps we need to take the overlap seriously, not as coincidence but as a sign that the way we diagnose, label, and respond to difference is shaping young people’s search for identity.
The takeaway for me is that ADHD can offer a different way of being in the world – one that can make a child vulnerable in rigid systems, but also one that can lead to extraordinary creativity and drive. If we can see ADHD youth for who they are, rather than for who they aren’t, we might not only support their mental health better but also prevent them from getting lost in identities that don’t truly resolve their pain.
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