Revisiting Episode 12: Identity vs Role Confusion in Adolescence
Sasha and Stella dive into the rich psychological terrain of identity formation in adolescence
Listen to the episode here:
Drawing heavily from Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development, we outline Erikson’s eight life stages, each defined by a central conflict. For adolescents, that conflict is between identity and role confusion.
In a world where gender identity has become the latest battleground in the fight for belonging and meaning, Erikson's observations from the 1950s feel oddly prescient.
00:00 – Introduction
00:55 – Erikson's Eight Stages
11:50 – Spotlight on Adolescence
Erikson says it’s developmentally appropriate for adolescents to ask, "Who am I?" and "What can I be?” Ideally, this is a time of experimentation, of healthy boundary-pushing, and of trying on different roles. Erikson even coined the term psychological moratorium to describe this vital pause before adult commitments.
But what happens when a teenager latches onto a fixed identity before they've had time to explore? Or when the surrounding culture hands them a fully-formed identity – complete with flag, terminology and a ready-made community – before they’ve even had their first kiss? At 27:30 in the episode, we talk about the importance of parents understanding the waters their children are swimming in, and this is where things get complicated.
Teenagers are steeped in online content that offers both connection and confusion. By 35:43, we delve into the role of online porn and how it's shaped this generation's sexual scripts, expectations, and even self-concept. There’s also the way online platforms reward self-labelling and pathologise discomfort. Feeling uncertain? There’s a label for that. Feeling sad? Here’s a flag and a support group.
44:45 – The Teenage Brain: A Work in Progress
Teenagers are impulsive, dramatic, and convinced of their own invincibility. They should be. Their brains are still under construction. But it means they’re terrible at long-term decision-making, which is why we protect them from things like tattoos, marriage, and debt. So why are we rushing them into permanent identity categories?
At 53:25, we shift focus to young adulthood. Erikson says this is when we begin to seek intimacy – to connect deeply with others now that we (hopefully) have a stable sense of self. But what if that earlier identity work was rushed or derailed? What happens to intimacy when your "self" was built more on escaping discomfort than building internal coherence?
Some recommended reading from the episode:
The Adolescent Psyche by Richard Frankel
Untangled by Lisa Damour
Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté
Childhood and Society by Erik Erikson
There’s also this insightful piece from Quillette: Trans Activism’s Dangerous Myth of Parental Rejection, which we reference in the discussion.
If adolescence is when we first ask, "Who am I really?", then any disruption – whether ideological, medical, or cultural – can send ripples across the life span.
The truth is, we all want to belong. We want to feel real. But the path to a cohesive identity doesn’t come from slogans or surgeries. It comes from the long, messy, painful work of living.
And maybe that’s the work we need to return to.
Listen here:
Let us know your thoughts! Have you thoughts on identity formation in adolescence in the 21st century? Have you seen shifts in your perspective?
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