I think a crucial self test is whether or not you can articulate an opposing argument without vilifying the people who make it or put bad faith arguments into their mouths. And unfortunately in these days of hyperpolarization its easy to find the bad faith and strawman arguments. You really have to work to find the reasoned ones. It's important to do this though, not as a guarantee that everything you believe is correct, but because it guards against the tendency in high control groups to villainize outsiders and leaves you open to considering other ideas.
Back when woke ideas on race were rising in popularity there was a time when I could not articulate opposing arguments. At the time I thought this made them bullet proof but now I see it as a red flag. And as I've grown I've learned to try to listen to other ideas with curiosity basically. Listening doesn't mean you agree, just that you're open to understanding another perspective.
That said, I think most people believe what the people around them believe or just give lip service to it because they prioritize their relationships over evidence based beliefs (and there is some rational logic to that). And even those of us whose favor evidence for our beliefs are not immune to this though I think we're more likely to change our minds and deal with the fallout especially if we see harm resulting from a belief system.
Those of us who left a fundamentalist religion have to admit that we were wrong about our deeply held beliefs. We are all very embarrassed that we could have ever believed that mythology. Admitting that you are wrong is very difficult. We lose friends; I lost my job. I understand what it is like. But it is necessary if you want to be true to yourself.
I wish more parents like Elon Musk would have the courage to say that they felt misled. Many either double down, disappear or remain quiet. Some pretend they were never involved in encouraging and enabling kids down a trans pathway, rewriting their story to make themselves look better. Others just say they had to love and accept whatever was going on. Sometimes tough love is needed and a firm no. Permissive parenting doesn't help parents who want to set limits. Many parents have been disempowered and might benefit from reclaiming their worth and ability to be a strong parent even if they aren't liked for it. Caving to every demand a kid makes may not be good for either the kid or the family or the future.
Your podcasts have the potential to inject some courage into struggling parents. Thank you.
One of your recent interviewees acknowledged not-infrequent major error. I found that a bit disturbing. Judging is me, sorry, and if you're going to be a fierce activist you have an obligation to be fairly right about what you're pushing.
Another of your recent activist interviewees also acknowledged near-catastrophic error.
They seem to do it all the time, without a lot of shame. In fact, I saw residual pride in their ability to persuade people/make change, rather than regret over error. I imagine I would see the same thing in the medicalising set. "Oh well, it wasn't the best solution, but how we managed to convince all these kids and parents to give it a go was amazing."
There was conference for MD's a long while ago about parkinsons dz. The presentor elucidated scientific evidence that showed unequivily that dopamine was dangerous and ineffective for treatment. Alternatives were given. The presentor asked the audience at the end of the presentation if they would change their treatments given the evidence. I believe 75% said they would continue to prescribe dopamine!
Personally I’m afraid of being open minded not because admitting mistake is scary (I mastered that craft), but because I’m afraid of being lost and hopeless again. I grew up with narcissistic caregivers, who did a lot to break my will and NEVER could admit to being in the wrong about anything. Then I was in 4 years long relationship with diagnosed narcissist and it was relationship full of coercive control and emotional control. Freeing from that requires certainty that you’re right and they are wrong, otherwise I let abusers dictate how I should feel and what I should do - because being too open-minded and too empathetic makes you a victim of psychological abuse. So it’s not as much as “what if the opposite is the true” as getting comfortable with uncertainty, being honest about what we don’t know.
Sasha, you didn’t put your heart into the excercise and it came off very inconvincing - like it was nothing more but manipulation tactic to persuade others to your objective truth. Yeah the other side also genuinely see how they can be wrong on this topic, that’s why they double down! I wish you provide model for what if the opposite is the truth
I think a crucial self test is whether or not you can articulate an opposing argument without vilifying the people who make it or put bad faith arguments into their mouths. And unfortunately in these days of hyperpolarization its easy to find the bad faith and strawman arguments. You really have to work to find the reasoned ones. It's important to do this though, not as a guarantee that everything you believe is correct, but because it guards against the tendency in high control groups to villainize outsiders and leaves you open to considering other ideas.
Back when woke ideas on race were rising in popularity there was a time when I could not articulate opposing arguments. At the time I thought this made them bullet proof but now I see it as a red flag. And as I've grown I've learned to try to listen to other ideas with curiosity basically. Listening doesn't mean you agree, just that you're open to understanding another perspective.
That said, I think most people believe what the people around them believe or just give lip service to it because they prioritize their relationships over evidence based beliefs (and there is some rational logic to that). And even those of us whose favor evidence for our beliefs are not immune to this though I think we're more likely to change our minds and deal with the fallout especially if we see harm resulting from a belief system.
Those of us who left a fundamentalist religion have to admit that we were wrong about our deeply held beliefs. We are all very embarrassed that we could have ever believed that mythology. Admitting that you are wrong is very difficult. We lose friends; I lost my job. I understand what it is like. But it is necessary if you want to be true to yourself.
I wish more parents like Elon Musk would have the courage to say that they felt misled. Many either double down, disappear or remain quiet. Some pretend they were never involved in encouraging and enabling kids down a trans pathway, rewriting their story to make themselves look better. Others just say they had to love and accept whatever was going on. Sometimes tough love is needed and a firm no. Permissive parenting doesn't help parents who want to set limits. Many parents have been disempowered and might benefit from reclaiming their worth and ability to be a strong parent even if they aren't liked for it. Caving to every demand a kid makes may not be good for either the kid or the family or the future.
Your podcasts have the potential to inject some courage into struggling parents. Thank you.
One of your recent interviewees acknowledged not-infrequent major error. I found that a bit disturbing. Judging is me, sorry, and if you're going to be a fierce activist you have an obligation to be fairly right about what you're pushing.
Another of your recent activist interviewees also acknowledged near-catastrophic error.
They seem to do it all the time, without a lot of shame. In fact, I saw residual pride in their ability to persuade people/make change, rather than regret over error. I imagine I would see the same thing in the medicalising set. "Oh well, it wasn't the best solution, but how we managed to convince all these kids and parents to give it a go was amazing."
From John Leake on the Courageous Discourse substack "A smart man learns from his mistakes; a wise man learns from the past mistakes of others. " https://petermcculloughmd.substack.com/p/all-the-wisdom-thats-been-discarded
How wise is it, to know not to inject opposite sex hormones into a child?
There was conference for MD's a long while ago about parkinsons dz. The presentor elucidated scientific evidence that showed unequivily that dopamine was dangerous and ineffective for treatment. Alternatives were given. The presentor asked the audience at the end of the presentation if they would change their treatments given the evidence. I believe 75% said they would continue to prescribe dopamine!
Personally I’m afraid of being open minded not because admitting mistake is scary (I mastered that craft), but because I’m afraid of being lost and hopeless again. I grew up with narcissistic caregivers, who did a lot to break my will and NEVER could admit to being in the wrong about anything. Then I was in 4 years long relationship with diagnosed narcissist and it was relationship full of coercive control and emotional control. Freeing from that requires certainty that you’re right and they are wrong, otherwise I let abusers dictate how I should feel and what I should do - because being too open-minded and too empathetic makes you a victim of psychological abuse. So it’s not as much as “what if the opposite is the true” as getting comfortable with uncertainty, being honest about what we don’t know.
Sasha, you didn’t put your heart into the excercise and it came off very inconvincing - like it was nothing more but manipulation tactic to persuade others to your objective truth. Yeah the other side also genuinely see how they can be wrong on this topic, that’s why they double down! I wish you provide model for what if the opposite is the truth