I thought the postcast was such an interesting insight in the the therapeutic process. Over time, listening has made me realize that I have probably been too dismissive of therapy in the past. In my defense, there is so much bad therapy around.
But I also think we desperately need something beyond therapy, and just out in the world. We need wisdom that comes from conversation. These podcasts remind me so much of talks I've had with women I know, many of them older female relatives. There are some that I think back to again and again. They are like the magic bag in fairy tales where there's always a meal inside. Bring back the wise women!
This 100, 1000, 1 million, 1 billion, 1,000,000,000,000% describes my trans
boy-identified daughter, whom we have somehow convinced multiple times now that she is 20 not to medicalize, and fully explains why she cannot let go of this identity in spite of actually thriving now having developed through and past the actual difficulties of the almost 7 long years of this.
Here's one reason it's so tough for us parents to adopt the kind of open, non-judgemental attitude you're describing: we are constantly afraid of 'letting go', because that might mean our child will go off and do themselves irreversible damage (especially if they are over 18). But your point about not taking away their hope for the future is very relatable. I know I fall into many of the traps you mention ('but you're so intelligent', and 'you seem to be pretty happy when you're gaming with your friends', etc.). It is such a high-wire act. Expressing love and concern, refraining from challenging too directly, but at the same time making clear you disagree with some of the basic tenets of 'trans'. Truly exhausting sometimes...
I have just subscribed after being told about talks. I can relate to this video a lot at the moment, having an 18 year girl who says she is trans and who I am struggling to communicate with. Am so worried right now, she is almost certainly rebelling in every way possible to try and get my attention (bright red Mohican, face piercings, tattoo - and the list goes on) none of which I have particularly reacted to, but because i refuse to call her by her 'new name' and try and converse with her about the possible reality of regretting decisions she makes right now that would be irreversible, i am the worst human being in the world...it's so upsetting and difficult to navigate.
Hang in there! We're glad you've found us! We're currently working hard on uploading a backlog of old premium content too, so check back often for more resources. But in the meantime, it's important that you take care of yourself when you're struggling through painful emotions. Consider exploring different support groups that are available for parents facing this. It's also good find something for yourself that makes you feel good too, like a hobby or daily practice just for pleasure. Have you read our book yet? - https://whenkidssaytheyretrans.com/
We also recommend checking out this episode, as well as the episodes listed in the episode's notes for more conversations relevant to the parent experience - https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/138-the-emotional-lives-of-parents-5b6. Wishing you peace and comfort, and please stay close for more resources coming soon!
I thought the postcast was such an interesting insight in the the therapeutic process. Over time, listening has made me realize that I have probably been too dismissive of therapy in the past. In my defense, there is so much bad therapy around.
But I also think we desperately need something beyond therapy, and just out in the world. We need wisdom that comes from conversation. These podcasts remind me so much of talks I've had with women I know, many of them older female relatives. There are some that I think back to again and again. They are like the magic bag in fairy tales where there's always a meal inside. Bring back the wise women!
This 100, 1000, 1 million, 1 billion, 1,000,000,000,000% describes my trans
boy-identified daughter, whom we have somehow convinced multiple times now that she is 20 not to medicalize, and fully explains why she cannot let go of this identity in spite of actually thriving now having developed through and past the actual difficulties of the almost 7 long years of this.
Here's one reason it's so tough for us parents to adopt the kind of open, non-judgemental attitude you're describing: we are constantly afraid of 'letting go', because that might mean our child will go off and do themselves irreversible damage (especially if they are over 18). But your point about not taking away their hope for the future is very relatable. I know I fall into many of the traps you mention ('but you're so intelligent', and 'you seem to be pretty happy when you're gaming with your friends', etc.). It is such a high-wire act. Expressing love and concern, refraining from challenging too directly, but at the same time making clear you disagree with some of the basic tenets of 'trans'. Truly exhausting sometimes...
Did you see the role-play we did with Peter Boghossian? He modeled a really interesting method for challenging with love and curiosity. Check it out: https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/bonus-conversation-with-peter-boghossian
I have just subscribed after being told about talks. I can relate to this video a lot at the moment, having an 18 year girl who says she is trans and who I am struggling to communicate with. Am so worried right now, she is almost certainly rebelling in every way possible to try and get my attention (bright red Mohican, face piercings, tattoo - and the list goes on) none of which I have particularly reacted to, but because i refuse to call her by her 'new name' and try and converse with her about the possible reality of regretting decisions she makes right now that would be irreversible, i am the worst human being in the world...it's so upsetting and difficult to navigate.
Hang in there! We're glad you've found us! We're currently working hard on uploading a backlog of old premium content too, so check back often for more resources. But in the meantime, it's important that you take care of yourself when you're struggling through painful emotions. Consider exploring different support groups that are available for parents facing this. It's also good find something for yourself that makes you feel good too, like a hobby or daily practice just for pleasure. Have you read our book yet? - https://whenkidssaytheyretrans.com/
We also recommend checking out this episode, as well as the episodes listed in the episode's notes for more conversations relevant to the parent experience - https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/138-the-emotional-lives-of-parents-5b6. Wishing you peace and comfort, and please stay close for more resources coming soon!