A big thing with people on the spectrum is authenticity (which has really gone off the rails with gender ideology) and how this combines with black and white thinking where they think that if they do something then it means they have to like or enjoy it. For instance, motivating my son (13 years old) to do his chores can be a struggle especially since he can't communicate well. At some point I realized he didn't want to do his chores because he found them boring and by doing them he felt it was communicating that he liked doing them. So I started asking him to do his chores and acknowledging that I know that they are boring and that he hates doing them and he still has to do them, that doing his chores does not mean he enjoys it. I tell him I find doing my chores to be boring as well and that his sister and father also do their chores and find them boring. And he'd get up and do them, he'd grumble the whole time, but they got done. We've gone from it taking hours for him to do his chores to him getting them done in a reasonable amount of time by acknowledging that we know good and well that he does not like doing his chores and that just because he did them it does not mean he enjoyed it, lol.
I also think it's important that when we talk about different points of view with someone on the spectrum (and indeed this is a rather human problem, the Gottmans say something along the lines of listening does not equal agreement) is that we set up the expectation that just because we are hearing something we disagree with does not mean we agree. We tend to equate listening with agreement, and we need to separate that. Listening to understand does not mean we agree with what someone is saying, just that we're invested in figuring out where they are coming from. I think once you set that framework up it's a bit easier.
As someone who was raised by skeptics who read all the Carl Sagan and Michael Shermer that I could as a teen and studied empiricism and rationalism, I wish critical thinking and Socratic questioning and trying to debunk ideas became popular instead of this bizarre tide of illiberal thought that ironically rose with the New Atheism movement. I do very much agree that if people on the autism spectrum were taught these ideas they'd do well with them. Every idea has to go through rigorous debunking and continue to do so.
Does anyone know of a support group for parents with gnc kids under the age of 12? I could really use some advice from other gender critical parents navigating having a gnc child in todays political climate.
A big thing with people on the spectrum is authenticity (which has really gone off the rails with gender ideology) and how this combines with black and white thinking where they think that if they do something then it means they have to like or enjoy it. For instance, motivating my son (13 years old) to do his chores can be a struggle especially since he can't communicate well. At some point I realized he didn't want to do his chores because he found them boring and by doing them he felt it was communicating that he liked doing them. So I started asking him to do his chores and acknowledging that I know that they are boring and that he hates doing them and he still has to do them, that doing his chores does not mean he enjoys it. I tell him I find doing my chores to be boring as well and that his sister and father also do their chores and find them boring. And he'd get up and do them, he'd grumble the whole time, but they got done. We've gone from it taking hours for him to do his chores to him getting them done in a reasonable amount of time by acknowledging that we know good and well that he does not like doing his chores and that just because he did them it does not mean he enjoyed it, lol.
I also think it's important that when we talk about different points of view with someone on the spectrum (and indeed this is a rather human problem, the Gottmans say something along the lines of listening does not equal agreement) is that we set up the expectation that just because we are hearing something we disagree with does not mean we agree. We tend to equate listening with agreement, and we need to separate that. Listening to understand does not mean we agree with what someone is saying, just that we're invested in figuring out where they are coming from. I think once you set that framework up it's a bit easier.
As someone who was raised by skeptics who read all the Carl Sagan and Michael Shermer that I could as a teen and studied empiricism and rationalism, I wish critical thinking and Socratic questioning and trying to debunk ideas became popular instead of this bizarre tide of illiberal thought that ironically rose with the New Atheism movement. I do very much agree that if people on the autism spectrum were taught these ideas they'd do well with them. Every idea has to go through rigorous debunking and continue to do so.
A great source of information about cognitive biases and logical fallacies and other types of critical thinking is the webpage, The School of Thought.
Does anyone know of a support group for parents with gnc kids under the age of 12? I could really use some advice from other gender critical parents navigating having a gnc child in todays political climate.
"They're looking for meaning and purpose" - "teach them what a belief is" - "cognitive distortion" - "replacement belief system"
This was a terrific high-level conversation. Thank you. I keep saying it's a faith formation moment, that James Lindsay is on to something there.