Parental Authority in the Age of Trans Identity
August Live + Unfiltered Recap
In this month’s meet-up, we revisited our episode with Rose, first released in 2023. The conversation touched on sibling dynamics, parental authority, and the cultural environments that shape families’ choices. What stood out most was a broader theme captured in Rose’s story: parents today are being told that they should never “break their children’s hearts with reality.”
That sentiment became the centerpiece of our discussion on authority, limits, and the role of parents in an age when reality itself is being ignored.
Where are they now?
Sasha shared follow-up data on 27 of her former clients. Of the young people she has tracked:
56% desisted or chose not to medically transition
26% are still trans-identified and medicalizing
18% are unknown (she’s still waiting to hear back from them)
This ties into an idea floated on X of doing a “where are they now?” project. Sasha and Stella would love to track down the outcomes for well-known trans-identified kids whose stories were popularized in media coverage and documentaries. Along similar lines, Lisa Selin Davis recently wrote a follow-up story about Avery, who was featured as a “trans kid” on the cover of National Geographic Mag in 2017. Participants agreed that it’s vital to know the long-term outcomes of these stories, rather than letting them vanish into cultural memory.
The burden of medicalization
Parents noted the heartbreaking trend of young women who have been on testosterone for several years developing serious physical issues: joint pain, muscular changes, and even walking with canes or using wheelchairs. Whether these difficulties are psychosomatic in nature, or a biological side effect of “gender affirming care” is unclear. Stella described the way a “victim identity” sometimes emerges in these situations. Sasha emphasized her therapeutic goal of delaying medicalization as long as possible, given how time, brain development, and life experience are critical before making major life-altering decisions.
Parental authority and the reality principle
One line from Rose’s episode that resonated with many of you:
“Parents are being told that they should never break their children’s hearts with reality.”
Of course, real authority often requires just that: introducing limits, disappointments, and the truth of biological sex. Several participants reflected on how difficult this is in today’s climate, especially in highly affirming regions where “not going along” can feel socially impossible.
Regional bubbles and social contagion
We observed that where you live can dramatically shape whether your child is likely to encounter gender ideology. In some regions, nearly every family seems touched by it; in others, it’s absent altogether. As one participant put it:
“All my friends in one region have kids who are trans or nonbinary — while friends elsewhere don’t even talk about it.”
Siblings, imitation, and development
Rose’s story highlighted the role of siblings in shaping identity. A younger child’s desire to imitate an older sibling can trigger shifts in family dynamics and decisions around transition. Sasha emphasized how sibling imitation is a normal developmental process: while parents are busy strategizing about one trans-identified child, their sibling may be quietly observing and starting to question their own gender.
The missing word for feminine boys
Several attendees noted that while “tomboy” has long provided a safe, positive category for girls, there is no equivalent for boys. Suggestions flew in the chat — “sweet boy,” “nancy boy” — but none carried the same weight. Stella recalled that her own deep identification with and desire to be a boy was once understood as harmless, not as sign that she should be “transitioned” or medicalized.
Beyond the family
Stella described her “Beyond Trans” therapeutic group, which brings together trans-identified people, detransitioners, and those who have medically transitioned. She called it the most powerful work she’s ever done — a space free of policing, rich in authentic stories, including voices from older generations who rarely get heard.
Announcements and upcoming events
ROGD Awareness Day (August 16th): Marking seven years since Lisa Littman’s influential paper was released.
Albuquerque Conference (Sept 27–28): Featuring Lionel Shriver, Lisa Littman, Abigail Shrier, Quinton van Meter, Patrick Lapert, and powerful detransitioner voices. Details here.
Anchored: November Parent Retreat (Austin, TX): Join Sasha and Lisa Marchiano for our final Wider Lens retreat. Info here.
The Metaphor of Gender: Sasha’s new YouTube project continues to grow, with surprising engagement from trans-identified viewers. Subscribe and share if you haven’t already. Watch here.
Attachment Matters podcast: Rose, whose story we revisited, now co-hosts this thoughtful new show. Listen Here.
What’s next?
We’ll gather again on Saturday, September 13th at 10:00 am ET / 3:00 pm London time (post with link coming soon).
Tell us what you think we should discuss:
If we do a “where are they now,” which public “trans kids” would you like to learn more about?
The cultural silencing around detransitioners
Is trans identification still “cool,” or will the next generation regard it as passe?
What would you like to hear? Let us know in the comments 👇🏼
Until next time,
Sasha & Stella
Can you please write up the outcomes you have found as a peer reviewed paper? The field is starving for data.
There is a serious issue with "no data....must be no problem!"
Researchers advocating for these interventions are still saying that if a kid starts puberty and still has GD, or if it intensifies then (how about appearing during puberty, that is intensifying?) that it is likely to remain....does this claim match your experience? Byrne (2024) traced the claim back and didn't find it had data behind it, but you could add to this with what you are seeing, which most people looking into this do not have access to.
It is of course limited data because these are patients who came to see you, self-selected patients (or parent selected) but most studies suffer from this. The ones which follow up the medical pathways don't keep track of enough of the patients, for long enough, either and so also are not getting a full picture.
The third topic--is trans still cool with kids?--is a fascinating one. I did not get marries until my 40s so bow this 1986 high school grad has a son and daughter in high school. One thing I've noticed is that, as young people, they want to challenge conventional wisdom just as their date. Living in Reagan's America, that impulse naturally took me to the left. Living in a liberal Connecticut town, that same impule is taking them to the right.
My kids are open to trans people and,, indeed all gender nonconforming people. But I'd say their attitude is respectful and sympathetic instead of jealous or admiring. That is, they wish them well, but do not find them to be special.