Our very final Live + Unfiltered event is coming up in December, and we’d love for you to join us as we bring the GWL chapter to a close. This event will be open to everyone, so please come and say hello!

These last two sessions in November and December are themed “End of an Era.” In November, we looked back on how our thinking has evolved through years of work in the gender landscape.

In December, we’ll turn toward the future.

Part II — The Road Ahead

In this final meeting with you all, we’ll reflect on what comes next:

• How each of us is continuing the work that inspired Gender: A Wider Lens

• The projects, directions, and ideas we’ll be pursuing individually

• How you, our amazing and loyal listeners, can follow our next ventures

• And what it means as we (and the culture around us) shift towards new directions

This will be a conversation about looking forward to the next stage.

Before we meet

We invite you to reflect on your own next steps:

• What conversations or insights from these years will you carry with you?

• Have you noticed shifts in yourself as you spend more time in this “space”?

• Where do you see yourself taking your own interests around gender—personally, professionally, or in your daily life?

Bring your reflections (and your questions) to the live chat as we gather one last time.

A note about billing & access

We have paused all billing for all subscribers.

This last Live + Unfiltered event in December will be open to everyone.

We’re also working on making all of our formerly paywalled content free—including extended interviews, our short episodes from the early days, and other archived materials. This is a work in progress, so please stay tuned as we work on opening up the archive.

Event details

Live + Unfiltered: End of an Era — Part II
Friday, December 12
5:00 pm ET / 10:00 pm UK–Ireland

Join us:

https://meet.google.com/kjx-guhx-ppk

In this week’s episode, Sasha and I speak with Lauren, a 32-year-old lesbian whose life story offers a refreshing, hopeful perspective on gender. Having moved fluidly across the gender spectrum over the years, Lauren shows that being gender non-conforming doesn’t have to be a crisis—it can be creative, dynamic, and even joyful.

Lauren’s reflections challenge the heavy, urgent tone that often surrounds discussions about gender today. Rather than pathologising or medicalising difference, she invites us to imagine a world where gender expression can be explored with curiosity and playfulness. Her story is a reminder that growing up outside conventional gender norms can lead to a rich, self-aware adulthood rather than confusion or despair.

Growing up, Lauren was “the good child” in a family where her older sister was seen as the masculine rebel. It surprised everyone when Lauren turned out to be the lesbian, not her sister. As a young adult, Lauren found comfort and confidence in drag and in men’s clothing, describing the butch persona as easier to inhabit—and, for about a decade, she lived happily as a butch lesbian. For her, being butch felt like a kind of third gender, a space between categories where she could fully be herself.

At one stage, Lauren identified as trans, but later came to see her gender as something more fluid. Over the years, she’s watched how the trans movement has reshaped lesbian identity, noting that many of her butch friends either transitioned or softened their presentation. While she supported their choices, she also felt an unspoken grief—a quiet loss of the butch culture she had known and loved.

Lauren’s reflections extend beyond her own story. She and her wife have navigated family life and motherhood together, confronting the challenges of raising children in a world where gender discussions have become increasingly medicalised. She’s passionate about protecting children from the pressure to “choose” an identity too soon, arguing that our first duty should be to their long-term wellbeing, not political fashion. “When eleven-year-olds are being asked if they want to preserve their fertility,” she says, “we’ve lost perspective.”

Her question—“Can we be more playful with our gender?”—sits at the heart of this episode. Why must every deviation from the norm be categorised, medicalised, or politicised? Why can’t exploration and ambiguity be part of the human experience? Lauren’s story is a testament to resilience, curiosity, and the power of living authentically without needing every aspect of identity to be fixed or defined.

Links and Further Reading

• Lauren’s Blog: The Anxious Skeptic

In this follow-up to our previous discussion about boys with Rapid-Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD), Sasha and I are joined by Angus Fox, author of the Quillette series When Sons Become Daughters. Angus speaks about his efforts to earn the trust of parents who meet privately to share their experiences of raising gender-dysphoric sons—parents who often feel isolated, confused, and afraid to speak openly.

As a gay man reflecting on his own difficult boyhood, Angus brings a rare and compassionate insight into what these boys might be experiencing. He describes how many of them are bright, thoughtful, and analytical, yet socially awkward and deeply immersed in online worlds. Some spend hours in role-playing games that present an idealised and unrealistic image of femininity, which can shape their fantasies and sense of identity.

We discuss the role of systematic thinking often seen in ROGD boys, and how their female peers may encourage or even celebrate their desire to transition. For some boys, joining a group of girls provides a sense of belonging and social validation that they struggle to find elsewhere. Angus also considers how online influences—and, at times, predatory adults—can further confuse their developing sense of self and sexuality.

Angus’s research with parents highlights just how blindsided many families feel when a child suddenly announces a trans identity. Parents often describe intelligent sons giving strangely immature explanations for wanting to transition, as though reciting a script from the internet. He also notes the growing overlap between gender dysphoria, autism, and anxiety—conditions that can make adolescence especially fraught.

We talk about the emotional impact on parents, who frequently find themselves dismissed by professionals and unsupported by the wider community. Despite their diversity—across politics, religion, and geography—they share a deep concern for their children and a wish to understand what is really happening.

Finally, Angus reflects on broader patterns: the decline in real-world risk-taking among young people, the rise in identity experimentation, and the ways in which rebellion has shifted from external acts to internal transformations. He also wonders whether birth order might play a role—whether being an only child or the youngest in a large family might shape how identity is formed.

This is a rich, sensitive, and thought-provoking conversation with someone who has spent years listening to parents and trying to make sense of a complex cultural phenomenon.

References and Further Reading

• Fox, A. (2021). When Sons Become Daughters: Parents of Transitioning Boys Speak Out on Their Own Suffering. Quillette

• Fox, A. (2021). When Sons Become Daughters, Part II. Quillette

• Fox, A. (2021). When Sons Become Daughters, Part III. Quillette

Our next Live + Unfiltered discussion takes place Saturday, November 8th at 10:00 am ET / 3:00 pm UK-Ireland

Our next (and second to last) Live & Unfiltered event is happening soon, and we hope you’ll join us.

These last two conversations will be themed “End of an Era.” In this upcoming November session, we’ll reflect on the natural evolution and development in our perspectives.

We’ll look back on the ideas, controversies, and experiences that shaped each of us through Gender: A Wider Lens and our respective individual work in the gender landscape:

• Where have we changed our minds?

• Which convictions have deepened?

• What has surprised us most?

Before we meet, we invite you to spend a few minutes reflecting on your own point of view:

• What do you understand now about the gender phenomenon that you didn’t understand before?

• Have any of your views shifted as you’ve learned and lived over time?

• What conversations, insights, or experiences inform how you see things now?

Bring your ideas and join us in the live chat!

🔗 Join us live: https://meet.google.com/kjx-guhx-ppk

We can’t wait to see you there for one of our final gatherings together.

Sincerely,
Sasha & Stella

This month’s Live + Unfiltered focused on Genspect’s recent call to Re-Psychopathologize Transgender Identities, a campaign that’s generated both enthusiasm and resistance.

Rather than a “debate,” this was a welcomed good-faith exchange between Stella and Sasha. As you know, they share some of the same concerns about gender affirming care and cultural trends related to gender identity, however they differ in how to formulate public-facing language and what the proposed solutions should be. There were intense moments of disagreement and vastly different viewpoints on the Genspect campaign.

Below is a summary of these perspectives.

Stella’s view: the campaign restores clinical clarity

Stella described the campaign as a direct counter to WPATH’s 2010 “de-psychopathologization” statement, which reframed transgender identity as “innate, normal, and healthy.” She argued that this shift the and subsequent changes to the DSM and ICD discouraged therapists from treating distress and forced them to facilitating medical transition, normalizing medicalization as inevitable and virtuous.

The new Genspect campaign, she explained, aims to reintroduce a mental-health framework by recognizing when attempts to alleviate distress cross into pathological behavior. Drawing on the psychiatric concept of an Extreme Overvalued Belief, Stella framed today’s gender ideology as a cultural contagion—a socially reinforced idea that drives people toward self-harm.

“Identifying as trans isn’t pathological,” she clarified later. “Medicalizing your body as a result—that’s where pathology begins.”

For her, the real “madness” lies in a culture that has elevated this belief to unquestioned status. Therapists, she argued, must regain the courage to say when someone has lost their way.

Sasha’s view: the campaign is impractical and paternalistic

Sasha agreed that therapists need new language to describe what’s happening but questioned the campaign’s public messaging. The phrase “re-psychopathologization of transgender identification,” she noted, reads as though anyone who identifies as trans has a mental illness.

“In mental health, there’s almost no context where calling something a pathology is received as positive,” she said.

Sasha also pointed out that even Stella seemed uncertain about the campaign’s exact wording—evidence, in her view, of how easily the message could be misunderstood. Clinically, she emphasized that gender-related distress encompasses a wide range of people: from vulnerable teens swept up in social contagion to adults making reflective, if extreme, life choices.

“For some, transition is an extreme life strategy—but not all extreme choices are signs of a mental illness.”

Her concern was practical as well as philosophical: blanket language risks alienating the very people therapists most need to reach.

Clarifications and common ground

In response, Stella agreed the wording might need revision. She reiterated that she does not label all trans-identified individuals as pathological, but instead views the medicalization of identity as pathology.

Despite their differences, Sasha and Stella found clear overlap:

• Therapists have lost the language to talk openly about gender distress.

• Cultural forces play a major role in the rise of gender dysphoria.

• The campaign would benefit from clearer, more compassionate communication.

“It’s the medicalizing, not the identifying,” Stella concluded.

Highlights from the chat

Participants raised valuable questions:

• “If all the adults in your life tell you you’re trans, are you mentally ill to believe them?”

• “Can we build momentum among young people who identify as trans but don’t medicalize?”

• “How can therapists confront pathology without alienating their clients?”

Looking ahead: an announcement to close out 2025

After almost a full year of monthly Live + Unfiltered events, we’ve decided that our final two sessions will take place this November and December.

We’ve loved every one of these special live conversations. Having the chance to interact with you all in the chat has been wonderful. What began as an experiment has become a truly enjoyable monthly event with a great deal of energy and freedom to speak openly about our views.

To mark the end of this chapter, we’ve paused all billing and will be gifting free access to our remaining two Live + Unfiltered events to everyone who has supported us as paid members. We are so grateful for all the years of support and if you have any questions about your membership, please reach out to us and we’ll do our best to accommodate.

We hope you’ll join us for these final gatherings as we close out 2025 with the same honesty, curiosity, and good faith that have guided this project from the start.

Next Live + Unfiltered

Saturday, November 8 at 10:00 am ET / 3:00 pm London time. Stay tuned for meeting link and further details

Sincerely,
Sasha & Stella

Many presume that ROGD affects only girls, but a significant number of boys also show the hallmark traits of Rapid-Onset Gender Dysphoria. In this first of two episodes, Sasha and I explore some of the different ways gender dysphoria can manifest in boys. These boys don’t quite fit within Ray Blanchard’s classifications of homosexual transsexualism or autogynephilia. Often softly spoken “Mommy’s boys,” they tend to be highly intelligent, introspective, and prone to rumination. Many prefer the safety of their bedrooms and may become fixated on medical transition as a way to avoid the challenges of reality.

Conversations about boys and gender dysphoria have been noticeably lacking. Much of the public and clinical focus has centred on girls, yet it’s equally important to understand how and why boys might want to transition. This episode begins by exploring what we currently know about trans identification in males and asks how the established models, such as Blanchard’s typology, apply to today’s young men. What does it mean to be an autogynephilic transsexual, and how does this framework help—or fail to help—explain the experiences of gender-distressed boys today?

Sasha and I reflect on how sexual arousal patterns and erotic imagination can shape gender identity in complex ways. What turns people on simply turns them on, and there is very little that can be done to change that. However, erotic behaviour becomes problematic when it involves others without their consent. We discuss the different kinds of men who struggle with gender identity and how distorted sexual imagery—particularly in the form of cartoon pornography—can influence a young person’s developing sense of self and sexuality.

Some of these boys might be quiet, introspective “wallflowers” who feel invisible in social settings. Adopting a female persona can seem like a way to express their gentle personality. For males who are drawn to a female identity, there is often a performative element to their gender expression—an attempt to embody an ideal rather than to simply be. When an identity crisis follows trauma or emotional upheaval, this search for meaning can spiral out of control, and for some, becoming a girl feels like the only way to make sense of their experience.

We note that many of these boys are exceptionally bright and intellectually gifted, often perfectionists who hit a wall when they can no longer meet their own standards. In that moment of collapse, they may begin to question who they really are. Some express discomfort with their perceived male privilege and a desire to be part of the solution rather than the problem. We also consider the possible influence of video games, where idealised avatars and alternate realities can subtly shape identity and self-perception.

For boys who struggle with gender distress, conversation can be difficult. They often resist talking about their feelings and instead look for immediate solutions, which frequently points them toward medical intervention. The limited options available to boys in areas like clothing and self-expression further restrict their sense of identity, while girls are afforded far greater flexibility. Yet, for many young people, the simple act of naming and discussing their gender dysphoria brings enormous relief. Once they can articulate what they feel, the turmoil begins to ease.

Listen to full episode here:

Further reading:

Ray Blanchard (1989). “The classification and labeling of nonhomosexual gender dysphorias.”  Archives of Sexual Behavior. 18 (4): 315–334. doi:10.1007/bf01541951. PMID 2673136. S2CID 43151898.

Blanchard R (August 2005). “Early history of the concept of autogynephilia.”  Archives of Sexual Behavior. 34 (4): 439–446. CiteSeerX 10.1.1.667.7255. doi:10.1007/s10508-005-4343-8. PMID 16010466. S2CID  15986011.

Michael Bailey (2003). The Man who would be Queen.

Anne Lawrence — (2013).  Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies: Narratives of Autogynephilic Transsexualism. Springer Science+Business Media. ISBN 978-1-4614-5181-5.

Angus Fox (2021) — “When Sons Become Daughters: Parents of Transitioning Boys Speak Out on Their Own Suffering” Quillette.com/author/angus-fox/

Donna M. (2021) — “You’re not trans, you’re just weird” Newdiscourses.com/2021/03/youre-not-trans-youre-just-weird/

Kellie Jay Keen Minshull — “The locker-room has a lot to answer for. Lesbianandgaynews.com/2021/02/kellie-jay-keen-the-locker-room-has-a-lot-to-answer-for

Transin’ the Suburbs — Ellen McEvoy Counterweightsupport.com/2021/04/03/transin-the-suburbs/

Our next Live & Unfiltered discussion is happening Friday, October 24th at 5:00 pm ET / 10:00 pm UK time — and we hope you’ll join us!

This month, we’ll be discussing Genspect’s recent campaign to re-psychopathologies transgender identities. And we invite you to join us for a discussion, disagreement and diverging perspectives.

The Re-Psychopathologization Campaign argues that transgender identification and the drive for medical transition should be understood as a pathological condition characterized by an Extreme Overvalued Belief. This long-established psychiatric concept refers to rigid, culture-reinforced beliefs that resist challenge, appear rational to the individual, and can drive extreme or harmful actions.

For the real GWL super-fans out there, you may remember this concept being introduced to us by Az Hakeem in this episode of the podcast almost a year ago.

The campaign challenges the 2010 move by WPATH to “de-psychopathologize” gender variance—arguing that this was not based on scientific discovery, but on political activism, and that it has opened the floodgates to social contagion and dangerous, experimental medicalization.

But not everyone agrees. Sasha will share her concerns about this framing—particularly how it may affect young people struggling with gender dysphoria, the lack of sensitivity to socially-mediated aspects of trans within the culture, and the way this language can so easily be misunderstood as hostile towards trans-identified people.

Your “Homework”

Before we meet, read the campaign for yourself and consider your take on it. Come ready with ideas, questions, support, or challenges.

If you’d like to dive deeper into the context and thoughts surrounding this move, you can watch Stella and Mia’s discussion about the campaign on the Beyond Gender Podcast here.

🔗 Google Meet Link: Join us live on Friday, October 24th…

https://meet.google.com/kjx-guhx-ppk

We’re looking forward to our discussion!

See you then,
Sasha & Stella

When we first aired this episode exploring the links between ADHD and Gender Dysphoria, Sasha and I turned our attention to a question that remains intriguing: why is gender-related distress so much more common among young people with ADHD? Research suggests that individuals with ADHD are 6.64 times more likely to present with gender dysphoria, yet at first glance the connection between hyperactivity, inattention, impulsivity – and gender – doesn’t seem obvious.

In the episode, we tried to tease apart these threads. ADHD is often reduced to a list of deficits – inattentive, immature, impulsive – but as Gabor Maté argues in Scattered Minds, it’s more complicated than that. ADHD traits may once have served us well in survival contexts: quick responses, novelty-seeking, and bursts of hyper-focus can be assets. In today’s classroom or office, however, these same traits are pathologised. Children with ADHD are told they’re lazy or slow, when in fact they think differently.

That negative feedback takes a toll. Many of the young people I’ve worked with carry low self-esteem from years of being told to “sit still” or “pay attention.” It’s not hard to see how this kind of repeated invalidation could make a child more susceptible to questioning who they are at the most fundamental level. If you’re constantly told you’re not measuring up, why wouldn’t you start searching for a different identity altogether?

We also discussed how ADHD manifests differently in boys and girls. Girls are more likely to be overlooked, especially if their symptoms lean toward inattentiveness rather than hyperactivity. Boys, meanwhile, often get labelled as disruptive. Either way, ADHD kids quickly internalise the sense that they don’t quite fit. Some become shy from years of being told to stop doing what comes naturally. Others push themselves into rigid goal-setting, obsessively working toward something – sometimes even when it doesn’t truly fulfil them.

It’s worth remembering that ADHD isn’t always a liability. Many highly successful people, from Richard Branson to Michael Phelps, credit their ADHD with giving them drive and resilience. Social media, too, seems designed with ADHD minds in mind – offering novelty, distraction, and stimulation at every turn. But that very design may also be fuelling the rise in gender exploration among ADHD youth, who can quickly become absorbed in online identity communities.

What struck me in this episode was the richness of stories: Elle Palmer writing about how personality influenced her identity, or Maté’s reflections on the deeper roots of attention struggles. ADHD people often thrive in environments that embrace variety, movement, and risk-taking. What they don’t thrive on is a slow, overly structured life.

Looking back now, I see this conversation as an invitation to broaden our perspective. Instead of asking “what’s wrong” with ADHD kids, we might ask “what’s right” – and how those same traits intersect with today’s identity culture. If gender dysphoria is appearing so often alongside ADHD, perhaps we need to take the overlap seriously, not as coincidence but as a sign that the way we diagnose, label, and respond to difference is shaping young people’s search for identity.

The takeaway for me is that ADHD can offer a different way of being in the world – one that can make a child vulnerable in rigid systems, but also one that can lead to extraordinary creativity and drive. If we can see ADHD youth for who they are, rather than for who they aren’t, we might not only support their mental health better but also prevent them from getting lost in identities that don’t truly resolve their pain.

Listen here:

Let us know your thoughts! Have you thoughts on how to manage gender dysphoria?

👇 Leave a comment or share with someone who might enjoy the episode.

We’re opening a limited number of waitlist spots for the last in-person Wider Lens Consulting Parent Retreat – Anchored: A Calming Center Amidst Chaos, taking place November 2–5, 2025. No payment is required at the time of registration. Joining the waitlist secures your place in line — spots will be confirmed on a first-come, first-served basis as rooms become available.

Don’t miss this final opportunity to gather in person with Lisa, Sasha, and fellow parents for a meaningful weekend of reflection, support, and renewal.

LEARN MORE

Why join the waitlist now?

• We anticipate opening multiple waitlist spots soon.

• You’ll be notified directly when your spot is confirmed (within 3-days of joining the waitlist).

• Once confirmed, payment will be collected at that time to finalize your registration.

• A two-installment payment plan option will be available for all waitlist openings confirmed prior Sep. 30th. After that, only the pay-in-full option will remain while waitlist availability lasts.

JOIN THE WAITLIST

Please email any questions to info@widerlens.consulting.

Parenting a gender-questioning teen or young adult can feel isolating and exhausting, especially without support from friends and family. Yet, you likely hold deep hope for your child and your family relationships.

If you or someone you know could benefit, we encourage you to share this information to help foster support and renewal. Even in the most challenging circumstances, there is space for learning and growth. We hope you take advantage of this opportunity to heal, renew, connect, and grow together with Wider Lens Consulting!

When Sasha and I recorded Episode 18 of Gender: A Wider Lens, the world was still under the shadow of lockdown. It was a year of uncertainty, disruption, and for many, quiet despair. We were struck by the ways in which restricted life seemed to intensify struggles around gender identity for some young people, while for others, the whole question of gender faded into the background.

Clinically, we saw both patterns emerge. Some spent endless hours watching transition videos on YouTube, with the internet becoming a kind of echo chamber where fears and fantasies merged. Others seemed to put gender on hold altogether, distracted by more immediate challenges. The irony of the lockdown years was that while our children spent more time than ever on their screens, they were simultaneously under-stimulated – socially, emotionally, and physically.

We spoke in that episode about the sheer power of the internet. We strongly believe it is important to encourage your children offline. Not entirely, of course – screens are here to stay – but enough to allow them to re-engage with the real world. During lockdown, this was very difficult to do.

The isolation weighed heavily on many people during lockdown, and we wondered together about the long-term effects of those years on children’s development. Would we see higher rates of anxiety, depression, or disconnection? What would it mean for identity formation in a generation that already feels so uncertain about who they are?

I wrote at the time about the broader mental health crisis we were facing in Ireland and beyond. In The Journal I argued that young people had suffered enormously during Covid and needed our support. In the Irish Independent and Sunday Independent, I warned that we were heading into a mental health storm. Sadly, much of what we feared has since borne out: relapses in eating disorders, spikes in loneliness, and yes, intensification of gender distress.

But it wasn’t all bleak. In this episode, we also tried to notice the unexpected positives. Some families grew closer. Some young people discovered resilience they didn’t know they had. For introverts, the relief of quiet time away from the bustle of school was palpable. And we reminded listeners that humanity has endured worse – war, famine, displacement – even while acknowledging that isolation has its own distinct and lasting impact.

What I remember most vividly about recording that episode is how connected we felt to our listeners. We gave shout-outs to people all over the globe, and we invited you to share your own experiences and your burning gender questions. Even in the midst of isolation, there was a sense of community growing – of people grappling with the same strange, disorienting reality, but doing so together.

Looking back now, several years on, I’m struck by how much that conversation still resonates. Lockdown may be behind us, but the questions it raised remain alive. How do we help children face life with courage rather than fear? How do we balance online and offline worlds? How do we nurture connection in an era that seems designed for isolation? And how do we support young people in their search for identity without letting them get lost in it?

Those were the questions of Episode 18 – and in many ways, they remain the questions of our time.

Listen here:

Let us know your thoughts! Have you thoughts on how to manage gender dysphoria?

👇 Leave a comment or share with someone who might enjoy the episode.

In this month’s Live + Unfiltered, we were planning to look at the theme of cultural tipping points. What we hadn’t anticipated was the tragic and brutal assassination of Charlie Kirk this week during a Utah college event. We felt we had to discuss this, in addition to the original plan: talking about Malcolm Gladwell’s unexpected confession that he had been pressured into stating that trans women should participate in women’s sports.

The fragility of knowledge and reality

Sasha and Stella explored the unsettling effect of living in a world where knowledge feels unstable and endlessly debatable. Stella gave the striking example of her own son insisting that 5-year-olds can get pregnant—an illustration of how quickly basic facts become distorted when the exception undermines “the rule.” Sasha noted that when “everything is subjective,” young people are left vulnerable to radicalization and manipulation online.

Radicalization and online distortion

In the darker corners of the internet, young people can be pulled into echo chambers that warp their sense of reality. Sasha suggested that the young man who shot Charlie Kirk may have been radicalized in such spaces, according to emerging reports. Stella emphasized that it doesn’t matter whether radicalization leans left or right—what matters is that online spaces often erode trust and leave kids open to any narrative.

Polarization and the danger of labeling

One of the themes running throughout the discussion was the way political opponents are increasingly described as “evil.” Stella called this a “medieval leap”—a dangerous shift from judging people’s behavior to condemning their very being. Sasha and Stella both emphasized that the habit of calling people “Hitler-like” or beyond redemption only drives more division.

Malcolm Gladwell and the pathway back

Sasha highlighted Malcolm Gladwell’s admission that he once caved to pressure while moderating a panel and publicly affirmed something he didn’t believe. That moment, she suggested, may mark a cultural tipping point. If even prominent figures begin admitting past silence, perhaps it will become safer for others to do the same. Sasha and Stella agreed on the importance of offering a “pathway back” for those who want to re-enter honest conversation without shame—even though it can be extremely challenging not to shout, “We told you so!”

Can we trust “evidence-based care”?

We also spent some time discussing the remarkable interview with Gordon Guyatt, conducted by Stella and Mia Hughes on the Beyond Gender Podcast. Guyatt is considered the “father of evidence-based medicine.” He and his team at McMaster University had been commissioned, by the Society of Evidence Based Gender Medicine in 2023, to conduct independent reviews of the literature on key aspects of gender-affirming care. Unsurprisingly, they found, as did others who looked at the evidence, that GAC is supported by very weak evidence. After publishing their preliminary findings, they came under attack from trans activists who, by his account, succeeded in “traumatizing” his team. He then proceeded to malign SEGM (Society for Evidence Based Gender Medicine), completely distance himself from the group, and called them “problematic.” Guyatt seems to be attempting to control how his research reviews are used, as he has stated repeatedly he doesn’t agree with legislative bans on GAC. But in this remarkable move (which seems purely motivated by political interests), Guyatt has severely undermined his own reputation and credibility as an unbiased source.

Free speech, law, and media shifts

Stella described the enormous fallout of Graham Linehan’s recent arrest in the UK, connecting it to broader trends of people being detained for online speech. Sasha noted that radicalized online discourse often bleeds into real-world consequences. Yet, paradoxically, both have seen mainstream media outlets showing a new, if cautious, interest in perspectives they once ignored—suggesting that even the media landscape may be tipping.

In-person connection as antidote

We closed on a hopeful note: the irreplaceable value of in-person gatherings. Stella described her anticipation for upcoming conferences as a reminder that human connection restores dignity and humanity to conversations that often get flattened online. Sasha reflected that even difficult discussions with friends land more effectively face-to-face than in group chats.

Announcements and upcoming events

• Albuquerque Conference (Sept 27–28): Featuring Lionel Shriver, Lisa Littman, Abigail Shrier, Patrick Lapert, Quinton van Meter, and detransitioner voices.

• Anchored Parent Retreat (Austin, TX | Nov 2025): Sasha and Lisa Marchiano host our final Wider Lens retreat.

• The Metaphor of Gender YouTube Channel: Sasha’s new project continues to grow—subscribe and share if you haven’t already.

• The Beyond Gender Podcast (Stella, Bret + Mia) “What’s Really Going on with Gender?” - Please like and subscribe

• Next Live + Unfiltered: Our October event will take place Friday the 24th. Details coming soon!

More Resources to Check Out

Gordon Guyatt on Beyond Gender

Jesse Singal: The Disaster at McMaster, Part 1 and Part 2

Lisa Selin Davis: From the Birthplace of Evidence-Based Medicine, a Gender Medicine Clusterfuck

Megyn Kelly interview with Graham Linehan

Malcolm Gladwell viral clip

👉🏼 Tell us in the comments:

• What topics should we discuss next?

• Do you have a favorite GWL Episode that we should analyze?

• What trends or cultural tipping points are you observing in your families, communities, schools, and with your own kids?

Until next time,
Sasha & Stella

One of the most striking patterns to emerge in recent years is the overlap between autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and gender dysphoria. Clinicians across the world are noticing it. Parents are asking about it. Young people are living it. And yet, we still don’t have a clear understanding of why this connection is so strong.

In this episode of Gender: A Wider Lens, Sasha and I explored the complex relationship between autistic traits and gender questioning. Does autism predispose a child to fixate on identity labels? Do social difficulties make gender categories feel like an explanatory framework for a confusing world? Or is it the other way around – that gender nonconformity itself draws certain children, particularly autistic ones, into diagnostic pathways?

The research suggests the link is real. Thrower et al. (2019) conducted a systematic review showing that autism and ADHD are more common among people with gender dysphoria than in the general population. Hisle-Gorman et al. (2019) similarly found higher rates of gender dysphoria in children with ASD. These findings raise unsettling questions. Is this overlap a sign of misdiagnosis, of one condition masking another, or of something more fundamental about how autistic children experience identity?

We also touched on how autism presents differently in girls – often masked, often overlooked – as discussed in the Scientific American article Autism: It’s Different in Girls. If autistic girls are already flying under the radar, it makes sense that gender might become a powerful lens through which they understand their struggles. Books like Andrew Solomon’s Far From the Tree and Steve Silberman’s NeuroTribes remind us of the profound diversity within autism, but also the vulnerability that can come with difference.

For many families, this overlap is not an abstract debate. It plays out in the day-to-day struggles of children who are bright, sensitive, often lonely, and desperate to make sense of themselves. We reflected on the story of a 13-year-old girl with social challenges who sought belonging through gender identity. Her experience is echoed in countless households today.

What strikes me, looking back, is how these conversations force us to hold two truths at once. On the one hand, autistic young people deserve compassion, support, and the freedom to explore who they are without judgment. On the other hand, we need to be cautious about pathways that medicalise what might, in fact, be an expression of autism itself.

This has implications not only for families but for the wider trans movement. If a significant proportion of gender-questioning youth are autistic, then understanding autism is no longer optional – it’s essential. Identity, rigidity, and the yearning for clarity are part of the autistic experience. When these traits intersect with the cultural prominence of gender identity, the results can be profound, and sometimes troubling.

As always, our goal was not to close the book on this subject but to open it wider. The overlap between ASD and gender dysphoria may turn out to be one of the most important – and least understood – dynamics shaping the current generation.

If you’d like to explore further, here are some of the resources we discussed:

• Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon

• NeuroTribes by Steve Silberman

• Autism: It’s Different in Girls – Scientific American: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/autism-it-s-different-in-girls/

• Thrower, E., Bretherton, I., Pang, K. C., Zajac, J. D., & Cheung, A. S. (2019). Prevalence of Autism Spectrum Disorder and Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Amongst Individuals with Gender Dysphoria: A Systematic Review. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 50(3), 695–706.

• Hisle-Gorman, E., Landis, C. A., Susi, A., Schvey, N. A., Gorman, G. H., Nylund, C. M., & Klein, D. A. (2019). Gender Dysphoria in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder. LGBT Health, 6(3), 95-100. doi:10.1089/lgbt.2018.0252
  
  Listen here:

  
  
  Let us know your thoughts! Have you thoughts on how to manage gender dysphoria?

  👇 Leave a comment or share with someone who might enjoy the episode.

Loneliness, isolation, and confusion often define the experience of parents whose children suddenly announce a transgender identity. In Episode 16 of Gender: A Wider Lens, Sasha and Stella turned their focus to those mothers and fathers who feel abandoned by the very systems they thought would support them.

What emerges is a kind of parallel process. While children become consumed by thoughts of transition, parents become equally consumed with researching “ROGD” (rapid-onset gender dysphoria). Each side is gripped by fear and obsession, and families often fracture under the strain.

The Parent’s Experience

Sasha has consulted with hundreds of families and has been contacted by over 1,500. The themes are strikingly similar. Parents describe the shock of a daughter suddenly declaring herself a boy, or a son demanding to be treated as a girl. Names change overnight, pronouns shift, and the parent’s authority seems to dissolve in real time.

Many parents turn to professionals for guidance, thinking they’re doing the right thing. After all, good parents seek expert help. But the recommendations of gender clinics often leave them reeling. Puberty blockers are presented as routine. Early intervention is sold as urgent and life-saving. And parents, desperate to do right by their children, comply—only later to feel crushing guilt when they realise the permanence of what was framed as reversible.

Boundaries Misunderstood

For these parents, setting loving boundaries is an act of care. But to outsiders—clinicians, teachers, even extended family—it can look like bigotry. The parent who hesitates, who asks questions, who resists immediate affirmation, becomes the last-standing obstacle to their child’s “authentic self.” It’s a lonely, painful role to play.

Meanwhile, secrecy becomes a heavy burden. Many parents hide what’s happening from colleagues or friends, fearful of being labelled transphobic. They research late into the night, drowning in medical papers and online forums, searching for reassurance that they are not alone.

Why This Episode Still Resonates

Stella and Sasha remind us that gender nonconformity has always been part of childhood. A boy who likes dolls, a girl who plays football—these quirks once just meant children being children. But in today’s climate, those quirks are politicised. What might once have been shrugged off as personality is now framed as evidence of a trans identity.

Parents want to protect their children. They want to do right. But when the only sanctioned path is transition, other options vanish. And as Stella notes, bad therapy is worse than no therapy at all.

Episode 16 is a compassionate exploration of what it feels like to be a parent in this bewildering landscape. It validates the guilt, the fear, and the loneliness—but also affirms that parents are not alone. There are networks, there are voices, and there are other ways to respond to a child’s distress beyond blind affirmation.

Listen to the episode here:

Let us know your thoughts! Have you thoughts on how to manage gender dysphoria?

👇 Leave a comment or share with someone who might enjoy the episode.

Our next Live + Unfiltered discussion is happening Saturday, September 13th at 10:00 am ET / 3:00 pm London time — and we hope you’ll join us!

This month, we’re asking: has the trans trend reached a cultural tipping point?

In a twist of irony, Malcolm Gladwell — the author of The Tipping Point — recently admitted that he once felt “cowed” into going along with the idea of trans women competing in female sports. He now said plainly in a viral interview clip: “trans athletes have no place in the female category.” Is Gladwell’s about-face an indication of a broader cultural shift, or are we in store for many more years of prominent people in positions of authority caving to activist pressure?

Among youth, too, there are signs that “being trans” may have lost its edge. What once seemed rebellious, countercultural, and cool is starting to feel more like yesterday’s trend. It’s now become far less frowned-upon to call out the abusive and self-indulgent behavior of MtFs attempting to get famous online with their pseudo-victim status.

For parents, all of this this raises an important question: how does a shifting cultural current affect the pressures on your family, and what does it mean for your role as the steady, guiding voice in your child’s life?

In our discussion, we’ll consider:

• What Malcolm Gladwell’s reversal symbolizes about broader cultural shifts

• Why other prominent figures are finding the courage to speak more openly now

• Whether youth culture is starting to see trans identities as passé rather than cutting-edge

• How parents can interpret and respond to these cultural signals in their own homes

Your “Homework”

Before we meet, identify some examples of other prominent figures who have done an “about-face” on gender or trans issues, and come prepared to discuss!

🔗 Google Meet Link: Join us live on Saturday, September 13th

https://meet.google.com/kjx-guhx-ppk

Bring your experiences, questions, and insights. We’re looking forward to discussing this with you.

See you soon,
Sasha & Stella

Carol, a 40-year-old detransitioned butch lesbian, offered listeners a rare glimpse into a world that is still largely ignored: adult lesbians who transitioned to living as men.

Carol began her transition at 34, describing the initial highs of testosterone—the rush of confidence, the thrill of finally feeling like she fit into the boxes that had eluded her since childhood. But as she tells us, those early highs gave way to a much darker reality.

Carol grew up as a girl who was constantly told she was “acting like a boy.” At just nine years old, she was scolded for playing football with the local pastor’s sons. Her mother, who Carol suspects may have been closeted herself, was furious when she found out. These moments of shame and correction left their mark.

Unlike her blonde-haired, blue-eyed younger sister—adored by everyone—Carol always felt like an outsider, an “ogre” in comparison. At 17, she suffered a nervous breakdown. Throughout her teens and twenties, she struggled with identity, alcoholism (a common theme in the lesbian community), and the relentless invisibility of butch women, who were often the punchline in popular culture.

Carol attempted transition twice: once in her twenties, and again in her thirties. The second time, she committed fully. Testosterone seemed like a lifeline, but the effects soon became unbearable. By a year and a half into transition, her mental health was fraying. By year four, she was paralysed by anxiety, trapped in her room, unable to face the world.

Meanwhile, her female anatomy was deteriorating from lack of use. The medical risks of continuing hormones loomed large, yet no one had warned her about the possible side effects. She says now that taking testosterone in such large doses felt like being on a powerful drug—and one that took a devastating toll.

The Butch Question

Carol’s story also forces us to ask uncomfortable questions about what has happened to butch identity. Where is the cultural space for butch lesbians today? Why are so many disappearing into transition? And what does it say about our society that masculinity in women is treated as a pathology?

Carol’s testimony reveals how limited the narrative around gender distress has become. Her struggles were real, yet transition was presented as the only viable solution. Other options—psychotherapy, community support, deeper exploration of sexuality and identity—were not offered.

“I don’t feel like a woman” was, for Carol, another way of saying “I don’t feel pretty.” But in a world that medicalises gender distress, that sentiment was translated into a prescription for testosterone. Her story makes clear how dangerous it is when clinicians, families, and society reduce complex distress to a medicalised pathway.

For further reading on these themes:

• Velvet Chronicle Interview with Carol

• Detrans Voices

• Katie Herzog’s piece Where Have All the Lesbians Gone?

• Butch Identity Development

• The He Hormone

Episode 15 is still one of the most powerful conversations we’ve had on Gender: A Wider Lens. Carol’s voice reminds us that transition is not the only way forward for those in distress, and that we urgently need more nuanced pathways, especially for women like her.

But perhaps most of all, Carol challenges us to recognise and reclaim the value of butch identity—a vital, authentic expression of womanhood that deserves visibility, respect, and celebration.

Watch the full episode here:

Let us know your thoughts! Have you thoughts on how to manage gender dysphoria?

👇 Leave a comment or share with someone who might enjoy the episode.

The misinformed presumption that gender dysphoria can only be managed through medication and/or surgery is blown out of the water in this episode of Gender: A Wider Lens. Sasha and I take on one of the most entrenched myths in the gender debate — that the only solution to gender dysphoria is medical transition — and replace it with a far richer, more human perspective.

We emphasise that gender dysphoria is a form of human distress, no different in its nature from other mental or emotional struggles, and that it can be understood, managed, and often reduced through a wide variety of approaches. Rather than rushing into medicalisation, the conversation explores practical, holistic, and psychological tools that can help individuals find relief while preserving their options for the future.

Highlights from the discussion:

• Gender dysphoria is mental distress — and like all distress, it’s worth asking: what else might be going on?

• Anxiety can manifest in surprising ways — even insomnia might be a clue.

• Sometimes dysphoria is tangled up with envy of another body type, or discomfort with your own physical changes.

• Exposure shapes belief — the “illusory truth effect” means the more you see or hear something, the more likely you are to accept it, even if you initially doubted it.

• Social dysphoria — distress about how you’re perceived in the world — can be just as real and just as important to address as physical dysphoria.

• Physical movement matters — there’s immense power in engaging with your body through exercise, sport, or simply being physically present in life.

• Be aware of fantasy traps — believing that changing your body will guarantee happiness can keep you stuck.

• Track your mood before and after being online — what’s really making you feel better or worse?

Sasha and I also reflect on broader cultural shifts: how therapy used to be seen as a last resort, how privilege can sometimes silence genuine feelings, and how our biological drives — from our animal ancestry to our need for social belonging — still shape us today.

For parents, the message is clear: Don’t rush. If your child is experiencing gender distress, take time to explore all possible causes and solutions. Managing dysphoria is about far more than a prescription or a surgical plan — it’s about helping someone build resilience, find connection, and engage with their body and life in meaningful ways.

Links & Resources Mentioned in the Episode

• The Detransitioners by Laura Dodsworth, The Sunday Times: /the-detransitioners

• Alternatives to Deal with Gender Dysphoria by Nelemil: /alternatives-to-deal-with-gender-dysphoria

• Illusory Truth Effect: https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/illusory-truth-effect

• William Glasser’s Emotional Needs: https://www.headstuff.org/topical/science/emotional-needs

• The Time in Between by Nancy Tucker: https://www.amazon.com/Time-Between-Memoir-Nancy-Tucker/dp/1846275106

• Advice for Gender Dysphoric Teens: /advice-for-gender-dysphoric-teens

• Storm Warnings by Adrienne Rich: https://www2.atmos.umd.edu/~dankd/adriennerichstormwarnings.html

Watch the full episode here:
YouTube Link

Let us know your thoughts! Have you thoughts on how to manage gender dysphoria?

👇 Leave a comment or share with someone who might enjoy the episode.

In this month’s meet-up, we revisited our episode with Rose, first released in 2023. The conversation touched on sibling dynamics, parental authority, and the cultural environments that shape families’ choices. What stood out most was a broader theme captured in Rose’s story: parents today are being told that they should never “break their children’s hearts with reality.”

That sentiment became the centerpiece of our discussion on authority, limits, and the role of parents in an age when reality itself is being ignored.

Where are they now?

Sasha shared follow-up data on 27 of her former clients. Of the young people she has tracked:

• 56% desisted or chose not to medically transition

• 26% are still trans-identified and medicalizing

• 18% are unknown (she’s still waiting to hear back from them)

This ties into an idea floated on X of doing a “where are they now?” project. Sasha and Stella would love to track down the outcomes for well-known trans-identified kids whose stories were popularized in media coverage and documentaries. Along similar lines, Lisa Selin Davis recently wrote a follow-up story about Avery, who was featured as a “trans kid” on the cover of National Geographic Mag in 2017. Participants agreed that it’s vital to know the long-term outcomes of these stories, rather than letting them vanish into cultural memory.

The burden of medicalization

Parents noted the heartbreaking trend of young women who have been on testosterone for several years developing serious physical issues: joint pain, muscular changes, and even walking with canes or using wheelchairs. Whether these difficulties are psychosomatic in nature, or a biological side effect of “gender affirming care” is unclear. Stella described the way a “victim identity” sometimes emerges in these situations. Sasha emphasized her therapeutic goal of delaying medicalization as long as possible, given how time, brain development, and life experience are critical before making major life-altering decisions.

Parental authority and the reality principle

One line from Rose’s episode that resonated with many of you:

“Parents are being told that they should never break their children’s hearts with reality.”

Of course, real authority often requires just that: introducing limits, disappointments, and the truth of biological sex. Several participants reflected on how difficult this is in today’s climate, especially in highly affirming regions where “not going along” can feel socially impossible.

Regional bubbles and social contagion

We observed that where you live can dramatically shape whether your child is likely to encounter gender ideology. In some regions, nearly every family seems touched by it; in others, it’s absent altogether. As one participant put it:

“All my friends in one region have kids who are trans or nonbinary — while friends elsewhere don’t even talk about it.”

Siblings, imitation, and development

Rose’s story highlighted the role of siblings in shaping identity. A younger child’s desire to imitate an older sibling can trigger shifts in family dynamics and decisions around transition. Sasha emphasized how sibling imitation is a normal developmental process: while parents are busy strategizing about one trans-identified child, their sibling may be quietly observing and starting to question their own gender.

The missing word for feminine boys

Several attendees noted that while “tomboy” has long provided a safe, positive category for girls, there is no equivalent for boys. Suggestions flew in the chat — “sweet boy,” “nancy boy” — but none carried the same weight. Stella recalled that her own deep identification with and desire to be a boy was once understood as harmless, not as sign that she should be “transitioned” or medicalized.

Beyond the family

Stella described her “Beyond Trans” therapeutic group, which brings together trans-identified people, detransitioners, and those who have medically transitioned. She called it the most powerful work she’s ever done — a space free of policing, rich in authentic stories, including voices from older generations who rarely get heard.

Announcements and upcoming events

• ROGD Awareness Day (August 16th): Marking seven years since Lisa Littman’s influential paper was released.

• Albuquerque Conference (Sept 27–28): Featuring Lionel Shriver, Lisa Littman, Abigail Shrier, Quinton van Meter, Patrick Lapert, and powerful detransitioner voices. Details here.

• Anchored: November Parent Retreat (Austin, TX): Join Sasha and Lisa Marchiano for our final Wider Lens retreat. Info here.

• The Metaphor of Gender: Sasha’s new YouTube project continues to grow, with surprising engagement from trans-identified viewers. Subscribe and share if you haven’t already. Watch here.

• Attachment Matters podcast: Rose, whose story we revisited, now co-hosts this thoughtful new show. Listen Here.

What’s next?

We’ll gather again on Saturday, September 13th at 10:00 am ET / 3:00 pm London time (post with link coming soon).

Tell us what you think we should discuss:

• If we do a “where are they now,” which public “trans kids” would you like to learn more about?

• The cultural silencing around detransitioners

• Is trans identification still “cool,” or will the next generation regard it as passe?

What would you like to hear? Let us know in the comments 👇🏼

Until next time,
Sasha & Stella

We begin with the research: Dr. Lisa Littman’s observations—that gifted and intellectually intense children appear disproportionately represented among adolescents reporting rapid-onset gender dysphoria. This isn’t a flippant correlation, but a pattern worth exploring.

What links brilliance and gender questioning? Enter overexcitability: a psychological term meaning an emotional, intellectual, sensory amplification of experience—more velocity, more volume, more complexity. Think of these kids as the emotional equivalent of a finely tuned sports car: responses are faster, feelings are louder, disappointments are sharper.

We talked about how gifted teens often feel isolated; they’re the ones reading philosophy while peers scroll TikTok. They crave depth but often find superficiality suffocating. That disconnect, that fragile fragility, can steer them toward identity labels that feel like something authentic to hold on to.

From “I’m just sensitive” to “I must be trans”, the mind makes sense out of chaos however it can—and labels or movements can offer the tightest, most reassuring narrative at that moment.

Quick Overview

• 0:00 – Intro

• 1:15 – The puzzle: giftedness & gender incongruence

• 10:30 – Overexcitability and emotional intensity explained

• 22:50 – ROGD teens and lived experience

• 33:00 – Parenting intensity—when support becomes pressure

• 42:20 – Mindset, failure, and the terror of disappointing potential

• 52:00 – The loneliness of brilliance—and the search for identity

If your child is intellectually intense, parenting becomes its own art form. You want to push them—but not too hard. Support them—but not suffocate them. In Episode 13 we explore how the pressure to help a child realize their potential can ironically become the pressure to be that potential—and if that fails, identity becomes a fallback.

That’s why you’ll hear us say: gifted doesn’t mean “fine.” Calling highly-sensitive children “resilient geniuses” without recognising their existential loneliness is a recipe for confusion.

One moment that stood out in this episode is the link between growth mindset and handling failure. Gifted kids often fear not just failure—but failing to be brilliant. How do you reassure someone who expects greatness of themselves—and fears that not being trans is failure to discover themselves? It’s brutal. Yet failure, or ordinary imperfection, might just be the most liberating reframing available.

This question is not about pathologising trans identity. It’s about noticing patterns—emotional, cognitive, cultural—and helping families and teens find grounding in their experience, not in frameworks or ideologies.

Gifted kids deserve understanding, not autopilot routing toward labels that feel initially comforting, but may be inadequate long-term anchors. And parents, educators, clinicians: we owe them tools, not blind affirmations or dismissals.

Listen here:

Let us know your thoughts! Have your views this issue evolved in recent years? Have you seen shifts in your perspective?

👇 Please leave a comment or share with someone who might enjoy the episode..

Drawing heavily from Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development, we outline Erikson’s eight life stages, each defined by a central conflict. For adolescents, that conflict is between identity and role confusion.

In a world where gender identity has become the latest battleground in the fight for belonging and meaning, Erikson's observations from the 1950s feel oddly prescient.

00:00 – Introduction
00:55 – Erikson's Eight Stages
11:50 – Spotlight on Adolescence

Erikson says it’s developmentally appropriate for adolescents to ask, "Who am I?" and "What can I be?” Ideally, this is a time of experimentation, of healthy boundary-pushing, and of trying on different roles. Erikson even coined the term psychological moratorium to describe this vital pause before adult commitments.

But what happens when a teenager latches onto a fixed identity before they've had time to explore? Or when the surrounding culture hands them a fully-formed identity – complete with flag, terminology and a ready-made community – before they’ve even had their first kiss? At 27:30 in the episode, we talk about the importance of parents understanding the waters their children are swimming in, and this is where things get complicated.

Teenagers are steeped in online content that offers both connection and confusion. By 35:43, we delve into the role of online porn and how it's shaped this generation's sexual scripts, expectations, and even self-concept. There’s also the way online platforms reward self-labelling and pathologise discomfort. Feeling uncertain? There’s a label for that. Feeling sad? Here’s a flag and a support group.

44:45 – The Teenage Brain: A Work in Progress

Teenagers are impulsive, dramatic, and convinced of their own invincibility. They should be. Their brains are still under construction. But it means they’re terrible at long-term decision-making, which is why we protect them from things like tattoos, marriage, and debt. So why are we rushing them into permanent identity categories?

At 53:25, we shift focus to young adulthood. Erikson says this is when we begin to seek intimacy – to connect deeply with others now that we (hopefully) have a stable sense of self. But what if that earlier identity work was rushed or derailed? What happens to intimacy when your "self" was built more on escaping discomfort than building internal coherence?

Some recommended reading from the episode:

• The Adolescent Psyche by Richard Frankel

• Untangled by Lisa Damour

• Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté

• Childhood and Society by Erik Erikson

There’s also this insightful piece from Quillette: Trans Activism’s Dangerous Myth of Parental Rejection, which we reference in the discussion.

If adolescence is when we first ask, "Who am I really?", then any disruption – whether ideological, medical, or cultural – can send ripples across the life span.

The truth is, we all want to belong. We want to feel real. But the path to a cohesive identity doesn’t come from slogans or surgeries. It comes from the long, messy, painful work of living.

And maybe that’s the work we need to return to.

Listen here:

Let us know your thoughts! Have you thoughts on identity formation in adolescence in the 21st century? Have you seen shifts in your perspective?

👇 Leave a comment or share with someone who might enjoy the episode.

Our next Live + Unfiltered discussion is happening Friday, August 15th at 5:00 pm ET / 10:00 pm London time. This will be an episode analysis, and we hope you’ll join us!

This month, we’re covering a a theme that comes up over and over when working with ROGD families: parental authority. It can be especially difficult to maintain your grasp on authority “when you’re the final hold-out” (as one of our subscribers put it).

For this episode analysis, we’ll be discussing the Gender: A Wider Lens episode with “Rose,” a mother who once embraced the idea that children can have an innate “gender identity” separate from their biological sex. Following this belief, she and her partner socially transitioned one of their sons. While they had some ambivalence about this, everything truly came to a head when their other son also announced he was a girl! They realized something was not right and had to rethink everything about their beliefs, their understanding of ‘gender,’ and the role of parents and children in the attachment relationship.

Rose’s story is not just about parenting through gender confusion. It’s really about the moment when every other influence — peers, professionals, support groups, even your own child — is urging your child down one path, and you realize you will have to be the only skeptical voice in a sea of affirmation. How do you hold your ground when the cultural current is against you? And how do you begin to reclaim your parental authority?

We will let Rose tell you her story herself. So, please re-listen before the 15th and join us for a deeper conversation about how parental authority can erode, how to recognize when you’re losing it, and how to take it back.

🎧 Episode to Analyze: 109 — What if We Are All Wrong: A Mother’s Regret (Interview with Rose)

🔗 Google Meet Link: Join us live on Friday August 15th

As always, bring your questions, experiences, and ideas. We look forward to chatting with you all!

See you soon,
Sasha & Stella